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TIFU by throwing a man off the subway

This happened a little over a month ago and I thought I'd post it here since nothing major has happened relating to the incident for a while now. I (19F) was commuting home from college after a late class which ended at 8pm. The campus I attend is in the downtown area of a major city, so sketchy stuff at night is a given. Because of this, I don't sit down on the subway even when there's vacant seats, just so I can walk away from a situation if need be. Everything was normal until a few minutes after I had gotten on. I was on my phone when I heard a man start yelling some incoherent sentences, but I picked a few phrases like "Your lifestyle is wrong" and "Yea I don't like your kind". I looked up only to realize that this man was talking to me, and that he was pacing back and forth in circles continuously gesturing towards me. You could take one look at this guy and you could clearly tell this man wasn't sober.

I didn't understand what this guy was talking about, so I kind of dumbly stared at him in confusion. He seemed to get the message, because he reiterated what he was saying and decided to add a few slurs in the mix. Oh, that's what he meant. I continued to ignore him, figuring that if I didn't engage he'd just leave me alone, because if I walked away, I had the feeling he'd follow me because of how he was pacing. Turns out, this guy really wanted me to know that he thought I was gay (I am), and that it was a problem. So he shoved me, and I put my phone in my pocket because oh shit, this was happening and I needed my hands to be open.

This is where I feel I may be at fault. With the second shove I grabbed his arm and twisted it before pushing back and down, locking his shoulder. He ended up falling from what I'm guessing was a combination of the moving subway and how drunk he was. The guy started yelling even louder, and there were now at least fifteen people who had paused what they were doing on their phones to stare at the commotion. I started panicking like a dumbass because both my hands were occupied a screaming drunk man and I couldn't find the very simple words to tell someone to press the emergency yellow slip, which someone finally did, thank god. I just wanted this entire thing to be over, so as soon as we got to the next stop and I saw no one was waiting outside the closest doors, I pulled him hard before letting go as soon as they opened, affectively "throwing" him out.

When you press the emergency slip, the subway stops for longer so personnel can step in to assist. As soon as they came into view, I realized that I had essentially assaulted a drunk man, tossed him off public transport, and had inevitably delayed the entire subway line with this emergency stop. When they asked me what happened, I decided to tell the truth because if my life was over, I might as well go out honest. I sort of zoned out after that because I was thinking how I was going to explain to my mom why I was being pressed charges when the time eventually came. I guess some others confirmed my story and personnel asked me if I was alright twice before I finally responded. I was in a daze, so I caved and sat down as they told me to get home safe. We were moving again in a few minutes and I stared at the floor for the rest of my commute out of embarrassment.

Looking back, I lacked a sense of self-preservation that would have led to something much worse if he was armed, as stabbings are pretty common in the city. Anyways, pay attention to your surroundings, and if you have to commute at night, find a friend who's got the same route.

TL;DR: I wasn't paying attention on the subway while a drunk man called me slurs before shoving me, and I took things too far after throwing him off at the next stop delaying the subway for everyone.

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