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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU: going out in public after a long fast and having GI issues

So last night I ended a 72 hour fast & if anyone knows the after effects of eating after a long fast, you know it’s best to stay close to home. But I thought my middle of the night stomach rumblings were it and I have shit to do. (Ehh, funny, but not)

So I’m out running errands and my stomach says ‘no!’ So I waddle to the ‘women’s lounge’ of a nice department store and unleash a fury from my behind that could have rumbled the building. I’m not sure, I may have blacked out for a moment while praying my continued flushing was hiding the gas & splatter I subjected this very busy restroom to. My poo sounded like pee in spurts. If you’ve done a colonoscopy prep—like that but stinky because it’s not all water. And the smell…omg. I had egg drop soup to break my fast and an omelette for breakfast. The smell was rancid. Too many eggs….

The restrooms are set up with sinks on right and left as you walk in, then a T shape with about 6 restrooms on the right, 6 on the left. I finish my business and when I leave, the other 5 stalls on my side of the T are full. I walk out and a lady walks in and turns to the side I was on. There was only 1 stall she could go to. I’m certain she saw me walk out from that side too, so she knew it was me who had been in there.

I finish washing my hands and as I grab a paper towel, turning towards the T intersection, the lady is walking to the other half of the stalls covering her mouth. We make eye contact. Long. Direct. Eye contact. I force a smile. She looks down. And I’m pretty sure I died, like my insides. Dead.

If that lady sees this…I’m sorry! I’ll put some poo-pourie in my purse next time I fart that long!

TL/DR: pooped a nasty poop in public and a lady walked into the stall I had been in, walked out & made eye contact with me. Awkward!

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