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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by thinking I could fit through a bunk bed ladder

Ok for context I (29M) am NOT a babysitter. Actually not a fan of kids in general. But a family friend asked me to babysit their seven year old and I need the money so, I figured why not.

The mom gives me freedom of the castle so to speak, just entertain her kid while she’s away for a few hours. The kids playroom / spare bedroom is in the basement. That’s where we spent most of our time. I’m making up games but they’re mostly not connecting because the seven year old is unimaginative and not fun and mostly a little shit. The only thing she likes is when I fake injure myself, or chase her around.

So we’re doing one of the fake chase around things, she dives through the bunk bed ladder in the spare bedroom. I go to follow her. But my shoulders immediately don’t fit through the rungs. “You’re too big!” She mocks. Don’t ask me why, but it rubbed me the wrong way. So against science and reason, I force my shoulders through. It is painful. But eventually my top half is through.

Smugly, I continue forward. Now I am a slim guy, but I have what the kids are calling a WAGON, which didn’t figure into my calculations. It’s stuck on one side, and when I go to pull out, my shoulders don’t fit. I AM STUCK. Fully stuck, panic, sweat, praying. The child is crying laughing, poking me, taunting me for having the hubris to think I could follow her.

This goes on for about five minutes before I have to call a friend. I give her the code to the house, about twenty minutes later she arrives. After taking care of the kid, mocking me, and taking a plethora of pictures, we try to problem solve by taking the ladder of the bed. No good. We can’t work it up or down. And no amount of Jergens helped either.

Eventually we cave and have to call the mom. We tell her we are considering calling the fire dept. she zooms back home, busts out the saw, and cuts my adult sized butt out. Needless to say word has gotten back to my family and I will forever be shamed. Undoubtedly my last time babysitting.

TL;DR I got stuck in a bunk bed ladder because I am not only prideful but spacially unaware

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