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TIFU by trying to talk about my feelings.

I don’t know how to start this, or if anyone will even see this, but god i am such a fucking idiot and i hate it. I was talking to my girlfriend (over text, i hate opening up to people in person, i know it’s stupid but i did) and randomly dumped on her about how i feel about my life, i used phrases like im done or i dont want to do this anymore, i said i felt like shit, but i was not specific enough and she must’ve thought it was about me and her. it was not. she told me to kill myself and removed me on things i had her added on, and deleted my number etc. i have no way of contacting her now, i pray she comes around eventually and realises i didn’t mean her, but i am such a fucking idiot and i hate it. i hate how badly i must’ve made her feel, i will never live this down, she means the world to me and i destroyed everything, i wrote her a note/ letter, which was 7000 words long describing how i feel about her and how badly i know ive fucked up incase she does add me back on anything, however she won’t see it until she does. i am a wreck. i don’t know what to do, i have thrown away years we had together over miscommunication, i made her feel like shit over trying to ask for some help with my feelings, she was always helpful and so good to me. I pray she comes around eventually, i haven’t seen her since before i told her. It hasn’t been long since i did this, sorry that it is not today, however i feel i need to talk about it in some capacity, so whoever is reading this then thank you. i don’t want to pester her or be annoying, by trying to constantly make attempts to contact her, that may just leave me in a worse spot than i am in now, but i don’t know what to do and it is killing me. i was going to propose to her in the near future, i have destroyed my life unwittingly, i was fucking stupid and i hate myself for it.

TL;DR i fucked up my relationship by trying to explain my feelings to my girlfriend, told her i’m done and can’t do it anymore, meaning life, she interpreted it as me and her, told me to kill myself, and now i have no way of contact as she will not speak to me, i was planning a future with her, but now have ended up wasting the years we had together.

Edit: i’m deciding to move on, reading the kind comments was like a wake up call in a sense, and i guess its life, things happen and people grow apart, not too much i can do to prevent this, thank you all for your support.

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