TIFU by ordering “private” online and forgetting I share an address with my mom

I recently moved back home temporarily to save money while looking for a new apartment. Things have been better lately - I finally got a little ahead financially after months of scraping by. So I decided to treat myself. Nothing too wild, just some upgrades to my setup, a couple new clothes, and… okay, I also ordered a personal toy from a site I probably should’ve double-checked the packaging on.

Here’s the thing: I forgot that even though I’ve been using my name and account for deliveries, most packages still get dropped off at the front door, and my mom usually brings them in. I also forgot that I used a discount code that came with one of those promotional flyers that has… let’s say… very explicit branding.

Anyway, I’m at work, and she texts me:

Mom: “Your package came. Is this a joke?”

She attached a photo of a very bright, very obvious box with the company name all over it. My stomach dropped. I told her to just put it in my room and I’d explain later, but she didn’t reply. When I got home, the package was in the garage. On a chair. With a post-it note that said, “This isn’t the kind of stuff I want to find on the porch.”

I tried to play it off, but she brought it up during dinner. I ended up mumbling something about self-care and privacy. She said, “Next time, use a PO Box or be less bold.” I still can’t make eye contact.

TL;DR: Ordered a “grown-up” item online without checking for discreet shipping. My mom intercepted it, and I now want to evaporate into the earth.