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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by being the cause of our infertility issues.

My wife and I tried for years to conceive and both got medical advice on our fertility issue. I went to a fertility clinic to give a sperm sample. When we gave the collection cup to the clinician, she whistled and said something to the effect of "yah, I don't think you're gonna have an issue." I thought she was just being funny and didn't think anything about it at the time. When we got the report, sperm was healthy and in high numbers.

My wife's OB at the time seemed to think our difficulty conceiving had something to do with how her cervix was positioned. We tried positioning, timing, etc, but eventually had to go with medical intervention. Fortunately artificial insemination worked and we were blessed to become parents.

Fast forward 15 years and a lot of struggles later, my wife and I are trying to get back in touch with being intimate again. It's been a struggle for us so we've had to relearn some things together. We stumbled across a podcast that discussed issues with performance anxiety, vaginal pain, etc, but it also discussed fertility issues. One of the issues they mentioned was hyperspermia.

I tend to go down rabbit holes when I get hooked on something, and boy did this one turn out to be the grand pappy of all rabbit holes. Hyperspermia is essentially when a man ejaculates more than 5ml of semen during orgasm, basically a teaspoon. With some cases of hyperspermia, the fluid in the semen dilutes the sperm count which can cause issues with fertility. I talked to my wife about it and, thankfully, all she could do was laugh and say "so it was YOUR fault all along!?" We did an "experiment" to confirm the issue with me, and I ended up ejaculating about a tablespoon/15ml of semen.

We figure it might have been a combination of both of our issues. The comment from the fertility clinician make sense now, but I wonder why they didn't say anything after centrifuging the sample. Surely there was some sort of marker that they should've called us about? Anyhow, I'm thankful my wife doesn't hate me and frankly she enjoys my large sample sizes, and that makes me happy too :)

TL;DR: We were told my wife's anatomy was the cause of our infertility, turns out I spooge too much which made me effectively infertile.

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