TIFU by making a pact with God after eating a handful of “weak” gummies and ending up stuck in bed, pants wet, and full-on paranoid

This happened yesterday so technically it's a YIFU.. but whatever.

So here’s the deal: my mom’s a kindergarten teacher who’s never touched drugs, alcohol, or anything—ever. Then her boyfriend got her into smoking weed. Yeah, hilarious, right? The saint of ABCs and snack time is suddenly a stoner.

Yesterday, while she was at work, her boyfriend asked me to drive him to this vape shop (his car was in the shop). They don’t legally sell THC yet, but they do have some strong Delta-8 stuff. He grabs some buds, gummies, and other edibles. I’m not a smoker—used to try it as a teen, but anxiety hijacked my brain with insults like, “You forgot how to breathe,” and then, “You forgot how to walk, dumbass—now everyone’s staring at you.” So yeah, I steer clear.

Back home, he’s like, “Wanna smoke?” I say no, freaks me out. Then he says the gummies are “weak enough for beginners.” Cool, I think. Maybe I’ll chill and finally sleep through the night.

BIG MISTAKE.

I open the bag, dump a handful in my hand, and pop about 3 gummies at once—no reading labels, no “how much should I take?” Just chew and swallow. Like an hour later, nada. So I eat about 2 or 3 more that were left from the handful. Turns out these were 100mg Delta-8 gummies each. “Weak,” he said. Total. Lies.

Then, BOOM. I'm guessing the 3 I first took hit me because I’m in bed, completely unable to move. I want to scratch my face but can’t. I desperately need to pee. Can’t get up. Then the other 2 or 3 add to my already extreme high and I end up peeing myself, which I originally thought was shit because I farted and that's when I peed myself (thank God it wasn't #2).

At this point, I am so thirsty like Sahara Desert mouth thirsty.. & I want to cry but realize crying will make me more thirsty. My brain’s doing the absolute worst, throwing absurd thoughts like: “Your mom’s gonna come home and start a fight,” “Your boss will call and make you work,” “You’re about to be the first person to OD on gummies or your heart is about to explode.”

I prayed to God, promising if I survived this nightmare, I’d never touch drugs again—legal or not.

Then Mom comes home and wants to go out for Grandma’s birthday dinner. I start hyperventilating like a disaster; drooling and completely incoherent. Luckily, her boyfriend explains what happened so my mom doesn’t freak. They tell the family I’m “sick,” and couldn't make it. Thank God for that mercy.

After a couple hours, which felt like an eternity, of battling my brain’s war against myself, I finally fall asleep for 12 hours straight.

TL;DR: Gave Delta-8 gummies a shot after being told they were “beginner friendly.” Ate 5 or 6. They were not beginner friendly. They were the most potent the shop had. Spent the night paralyzed, panicking, peeing myself, and hallucinating my own downfall. Missed Grandma’s birthday. 0/10, do not recommend.

Moral of the story? Don’t trust “weak” gummies. READ THE DIRECTIONS. Especially don’t eat a handful at once. And if you do, maybe skip the I-farted-so-I-thought-I-shit-myself-but-really-peed-myself part.

TIFU indeed.