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TIFU by taking a drug test like I was still in the military

So this happened today, and I still can't stop cringing.

I had to take a pre-employment drug test for a new job. No big deal, I’ve done dozens of these during my time in the military. If you know, you know: the military way is full-send, no shame, pants and undies around the knees, standing there like you're about to get hazed, while some poor soul stares directly at your junk to verify you're not faking it.

Anyway, I show up to the testing facility, sign in, get called back, and the guy hands me the cup and leads me to the bathroom. I just go into autopilot mode. Drop trou, pull down my underwear, start doing my thing… totally exposed.

That’s when I hear the guy’s voice through the door: “Uh… Sir? I don’t have to watch you pee. I just have to stand outside the stall.”

Cue me realizing I am full-on pants-down in a civilian bathroom like I’m back in basic training, even though no one is watching. Just standing there, exposed for absolutely no reason, like an idiot.

I quickly finished, cleaned up what little pride I had left, and shuffled out of the bathroom like a dog that knocked over a vase.

The guy didn’t say anything afterward, but I swear he had that look in his eyes like he’d just witnessed something both confusing and mildly traumatic.

So yeah. TIFU by forgetting I’m not in the military anymore, and accidentally giving a solo performance in the drug test bathroom.

TL;DR: Did a drug test like I was still in the military. Dropped my pants fully expecting an observer, but turns out civilians don’t need to see the stream. Now a random guy at a clinic knows way too much about me.

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