Skip to main content

TIFU by adding a phone sex hotline to a busy conference call

I used to work at a ransomware remediation firm and my job was basically to analyze how the systems got hacked. Part of my job was to hold phone briefings with a cross section of AV vendors (Microsoft, Symantec, etc) and sometimes law enforcement participated in the highest profile cases (like hospitals or huge retailers, especially if it involves a known threat actor)... This was pre-COVID and bureaucracy moves at snail pace, so we were still using an AT&T teleconferencing service where I first dial into a 1-800 bridge, and then I have to press "* 1" plus a phone number to connect each of the participants to the conference call.

Well, a few months into this job I thought I was such a hotshot that I started connecting all of these conference bridges from memory. So I got Microsoft and Symantec and the FBI connected, was gonna add another company, dialed * 1 and then their 1-800 bridge from memory. To my surprise, I got a sexy female voice going "thank you for calling the hottest voices in America.... Gentlemen press 1 to connect now". Sheer terror took over as I realized I had NO FUCKING CLUE how to disconnect a caller, only how to add a caller. I rummaged around the desk for the little laminated cheat card for the hotkeys. No dice. I hung up my phone hoping it'd end the call. I dialed back in -- " ... ready for real women who just want to fuck .... ".

Running out of ideas I just screamed "HELP" until someone else came into the conference room and pressed another * number combo that dropped the most recent participant. He laughed and was like "Use the hotkeys next time". Apparently, phone sex services frequently reserve 1-800 numbers 1 digit away from conference bridge numbers, and they all knew not to manually dial those numbers. There's some color-coded buttons on the right side of the phone that the company had already preprogrammed to the touch tones for connecting common participants.

Our external partners never let me live it down. Once in a while they still teased me by doing a "welcome to the hottest number in America" impression even when I WebEx them.

TL;DR: I bridged a wrong number into a call with 50+ engineers and government intelligence officials. It happened to be a phone sex line and got more and more explicit.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...