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TIFU by allowing my doctor to do a vaginal swab when she wanted to wait for the nurse to do it 🤦‍♂️

So basically, this is going to start off very tmi. Ive been having weird symptoms down there for like two weeks. My doctors and I initially thought it was a UTI because I have had recurrent ones for awhile. I was given antibiotics and finished them this past Tuesday, but I was still having some symptoms although not exactly the same as before.

Well, I saw my primary care doctor's nurse on Wednesday and she told me to wait until Monday to collect a urine sample and do a swab and use estrogen cream in the area until then as it could be irritation caused by possible atrophy since I am a trans man on testosterone. And we needed to wait since I had just been on antibiotics. If symptoms are still there by Monday, we would run the tests.

I used the estrogen cream on Wednesday night and noticed on Thursday night that I had redness and (again tmi) some discharge in the intimate area 👀 which isnt normally a sign of a UTI and it had been too long to be remnants of the cream plus wasnt the right consistency. So I requested I come back early for my swab. The only available doc was my primary care and not the nurse. However, my primary care has not done this type of thing very often in a long time since she isnt normally scheduled for urgent things that would require a swab - she just so happened to have a cancelation this morning. She wanted me to wait until Monday and have the nurse do it but I insisted this isnt normal irritation and would like the swab done today.

Turns out they needed a few swabs - one requiring a speculum.

Long story short, my doctor let go of the speculum.

My body then proceeded to eJECT the speculum at her which caused me to laugh uncontrollably while I literally had my legs splayed open in the stirrups and let me tell you I have never been so embarrassed in my LIFE. I heard that thing fall on the floor and to my relief, she said it was fine to do the remaining swabs without inserting another one.

TL;DR: My 🐱 spit a speculum at my doctor today because she let go of it while doing swabs.

Edit: she put me on diflucan for those who are wondering iykyk.

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