Skip to main content

TIFU by making my world-class chef girlfriend the perfect toastie

TL;DR: My girlfriend is a top-tier chef who's so good she's rejected opportunities to work at one of the world's best restaurants. I made her one toastie during her period and now she's demanding I make it daily because apparently I'm better at melted cheese between bread than she is.

This happened about a month ago but I'm still processing the absurdity of it all (as I'm making her a toastie).

So my girlfriend is basically a Goddess tier chef. She's worked at restaurants that people literally book flights to visit. We're talking the kind of place where you need to make reservations months in advance. She once turned down a job offer some rating authorities consider one of the best restaurants in the world, because she ate there as a customer first and decided their garden salad was uninspired and their wait staff were weird.

When we moved in together, I quickly learned that despite being a decent cook myself, I was now living with someone who could probably make roadkill taste like wagyu beef. She has opinions about salt types and doesn't want me touching her fancy cookware. I love cooking, but I'm not about to go to war with someone who makes me dishes with love hearts made of sauce (Reduction? Foam?) So I gracefully stepped aside and let her handle the kitchen duties at home.

Fast forward to last month. She's on her period, feeling like absolute garbage, and asks me to make her a tomatoe toastie (grilled cheese for you Americans). Simple request, right? I figure even I can't mess up butter, bread, tomato and cheese. So I make her this completely basic toastie, nothing fancy, just sourdough, some good aged cheddar, butter both sides, medium heat, flip once. Standard stuff that literally any functioning adult should be able to do.

She takes one bite and goes completely silent. I'm thinking I've somehow managed to offend her palate with my peasant-level toastie skills. Then she looks at me with genuine confusion and says, "I can't make it this good."

I laughed because I thought she was joking. This woman can do things with molecular gastronomy that would make Heston Blumenthal weep. She's forgotten more about food than I'll ever know. There's no way she can't make a better toastie than me.

But here's where I fucked up: I was wrong.

For the past month, she's been asking me to make her toasties almost every single day. Yesterday she literally came home from work where she probably spent 12 hours creating culinary masterpieces that cost more per plate than most people's weekly groceries - and the first thing she said was "Can you make me that toastie?"

I've created a monster. This woman who can taste a soup and rattle off all the ingredients in it can't figure out how to make melted cheese between bread as well as I can.

The worst part? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing differently. I've tried telling her my "technique" but it's literally just... making a toastie. There's no secret. I'm not doing anything special. But somehow my basic-ass toastie game has broken the brain of someone who could probably cook circles around most professional chefs.

Now I'm trapped in this weird situation where I'm too afraid to refuse because she gets genuinely excited about these toasties, but also I'm pretty sure I've accidentally insulted her entire professional identity with my superior bread-and-cheese skills.

The irony is not lost on me that the one thing I can cook better than her is something that requires literally no skill whatsoever.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by forgetting my purse and attempting to get fuel

Not the craziest story but hey. I'm obligated to say this was a few months ago but I cringe every time I go past the petrol station . My petrol was getting low, not dangerously so but it said 27 miles left, (oftentimes it then suddenly drops to about 16 for example, and then 5 and then 0 very fast) I didnt have my purse on me as I just didn't need it... Picked my daughter up from school and then went on to collect my 2 stepdaughters from across town and then set off for home. En route the gauge went to 7 and then suddenly it was 1 so I stopped at the petrol station near our house. The petrol was on 0 as i pulled up to the pump and that's when I realised I had no money. I left the kids in the car at the pump and went in to talk to the cashier, it wasn't mega busy but there was a queue, I'd heard that they can help you if you can't pay for fuel. Like keeping something of yours as security. It was an elderly man and he basically refused to help. At this point i...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more