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TIFU bc I fell for a dude on Reddit, and I think he may have killed himself

This is a throwaway as he knows my real profile. This is kind of a long one, sorry!

This was a few months ago but I can’t get it out of my mind. So I had posted in this sub about my relationship issues (has since been deleted in a moment of weakness (or strength? Idk)) and he commented on it. Originally it was pretty rude, and I make a point to try to respond to my comments, especially since a lot of people thought that post was AI. Anyway, we went back and forth in the comments for a bit. After a while he messaged me asking if he could have further clarification of my situation and we ended up talking for like four hours. He ended up being really kind and actually really comforting in a pretty difficult situation. I eventually gave him my number and we kept talking for days and days.

At some point during this I had ended my relationship (NOT because of Reddit guy, just to be clear lol, my now ex and I had been having a lot of issues for a long while and I’d had enough) and Reddit Guy and I started flirting, without really realizing that we were flirting, and it just built from there. We bonded over our past traumas and experiences, anime, music, tv shows, our kids, etc, and I LOVEEED the way he talked to me, addressed me. We’d spoken on the phone a few times. We were texting all day everyday. I began developing a pretty big crush on him, to the point I’d get butterflies in my tummy when he sent pictures of himself, i especially adored his smile, when he said certain things, and I’d be waiting for his message. We even had started making plans to meet each other in a few months during my birthday trip. (I was going to NOLA and he said he would join me for my trip, we live in different states.)

Out of nowhere, he stopped responding. I didn’t want to be overbearing so I’d only send him one or two random cutesy messages over the course of a few days. Eventually I figured he’d ghosted me so I sent what I thought would be a final farewell message, saying that if this is him ghosting me, I adored talking to him and was thankful that he’d messaged me, and I hope he lived a great life. About an hour later he messaged me saying he had taken drugs to kill himself and that he would be blocking me. I tried calling probably about 15 times, messaged him begging him to just talk to me, and fearing the worst. There was nothing I could do. He lived in a different state so I couldn’t go to his house, and I didn’t know his address so I couldn’t send a welfare check. I was gutted. All I could do was go to bed and hope he’d survive. I didn’t sleep much that night.

The next morning he messaged me a photo of him in the hospital saying he was about to go into an inpatient facility, and that he’d be blocking me again. I tried to call him but i had already been blocked. Fast forward a couple weeks he texted me saying he was out, acting like nothing happened. I was PISSED! I sent him a long message about how he made me feel, how his kids must feel, and that please next time you feel like this just call me, or someone, anyone, who can help you, if not a therapist. We kept texting for a few days and once again, he was gone. A few weeks later he messaged me saying he’d just got out of a mental hospital again.

At that point I started pulling away to try to protect my heart. I was then only talking to him platonically. A couple weeks later he’d stopped messaging again, and I haven’t heard from him since. This was about two months ago. I’m worried he’d finally succeeded in his attempts and I’ll never hear from him again, and I really , really hope he’s just ghosted me. I think about him often, and wish I had at least some closure.

If you’re reading this Dearest Reddit Stranger, I hope you are doing well.

TL/DR: I fell for a guy on Reddit, he went into a mental facility a few and I fear he may have killed himself.

Edit: Added paragraph indentations cause some people need a full line between paragraphs and can’t read otherwise.

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