Skip to main content

TIFU by slapping a bearded man’s ass because he was dressed like my wife.

​This happened yesterday ​My wife was wearing this obnoxious, neon-orange north face puffer jacket. It’s the kind of jacket you can see from a different zip code.

We were at Target; she went to the candle aisle while I headed to electronics.

​I finished up, walked toward the candles, and spotted the back of that orange jacket leaning over a bottom shelf. Being the "funny" husband, I decided to sneak up, gave a solid, playful "good game" slap on the butt, and whispered, "Found you, nerd." ​The person stood up. ​It was not my wife. It was a muscular man with a full beard wearing the exact same neon jacket.

​I froze. My hand was literally still hovering in mid-air. He just looked at me, deadpan, and said: "I mean, it’s a nice jacket, but maybe check for the beard next time?"

​I didn't even apologize. My brain just short-circuited. I did a 180 and walked straight out of the store. I didn't even wait for my wife or the stuff we were supposed to buy. ​Ten minutes later, I got a text from her: "I saw the whole thing from the next aisle. I’m not coming out until I stop crying laughing. Have fun with your new boyfriend."

​TL;DR: Mistook a bearded man in a neon jacket for my wife. Smacked his ass in public. He was surprisingly chill, but I felt embarassed.

​Edit/ Update for those who are asking: RIP my inbox, I didn't expect this to blow up. For those asking how the guy knew about the jacket- this thing is an eye-searing, neon orange that you can probably see from orbit.

​When he turned around and saw my face going through the five stages of grief, he looked past me and saw my wife standing about 10 feet away. Since she was wearing the exact same "human traffic cone" outfit, he instantly put two and two together. He actually pointed at his jacket and then at hers while shaking his head, like he couldn't believe his bad luck in picking that specific color today.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU By Fumbling My Gym Crush

I've never posted on Reddit before so apologies if anything is off. I (F) had a crush on a man at my gym for months. We would make extended eye contact frequently, workout in proximity, the usual gym things that get over analyzed when you like someone. He's wildly handsome, but I liked his vibe. A lot. It's hard to explain when someone's energy just hits different but his did. One day he started coming in with a woman. The day I saw her with him, he and I actually stared at each other from across the room for a while, and I turned and walked away because obviously gym rules - that's his girlfriend until I'm told otherwise. The eye contact continues and so does the proximity but I've dialed back completely because in my head, he has a girl and I am no home wrecker. Well, recently, on a Sunday, I was having a real shit day. I accidentally hurt my shoulder so my back day was all off, my body wasn't cooperating, the gym was packed - all I wanted to do w...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting called racist for not handing cash to a customer

today I (F18) fucked up by worked a long ahh shift and got put on register. I never hand money in people’s hands as customers have yelled at me for it, and i think it’s germy so I scoot it towards them as a sign of respect. this lady came in and after i did that she goes “Imma need you to do that again and put it in my hand, you did this last time too don’t you know it’s disrespectful” (meanwhile i haven’t worked register in 2 months at said job and didn’t recognize her) so i apologize, and then cuz it’s call off time i go talk to my boss about it and they all agree with me. apparently though she told my keyholder who’s a poc i was being RACIST by not touching her. so i got told i need to do better even though i didn’t do anything. she was insinuating i was a racist. idk if i should quit or what but i fucked up. TL;DR: i’m a dumbass
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by sh*tting in the bushes at a high school

So I’m training for a local 10k race in a couple months. That’s about 6.2 miles. Not a long race but not a short one either. I’m making good progress and tinkering with what works for me on longer runs, how I can keep my body moving at an easy, consistent pace for about 70-80 minutes. I’ve been increasing the distance over the past few months, prioritizing getting the distance down before I work on pace. I train early mornings at a local high school track within walking distance of my house. They have public hours almost every morning from 6-8 am. It’s a very nice track with good lighting and ✨no public bathrooms✨. Because I’ve been focused on increasing distance I’m waking up earlier and earlier to get to the track and really hammer it out before I go home and shower for work. In turn, I’ve been drinking a little extra COFFEE most mornings get my body going. Til now this hasn’t been a problem, I don’t leave the house until my body takes care of business. I successfully dropped the ...
Post a Comment
Read more