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This actually happened a couple of days ago and the guilt is honestly driving me crazy, so I just need to share it here.
To give you some context, I am usually a very outgoing person. I genuinely love being around people, making jokes, and organizing plans. But I have this incredibly stupid issue with my mental health where my "social battery" doesn't give me a warning when it’s about to empty. It doesn't slowly drain; it just straight up crashes from 100% to 0% in a split second. When this happens, it’s like a switch flips in my head. My brain shuts down, I get hit with intense anxiety, and I feel this suffocating need to be completely alone in a dark room. No talking, no eye contact, nothing.
So, a few days ago, I was out with a good friend of mine. We hadn't seen each other in weeks, so we planned to meet up at a busy cafe in the city center. For the first hour, everything was going amazing. We were laughing, catching up, and having a genuinely great time.
But then, out of nowhere, it hit me. The crash. One minute I was smiling, and the next minute, I looked at my friend and literally couldn't process the words coming out of his mouth. My brain just went completely blank.
Instead of just being a normal human being and telling him, "Hey, I'm feeling really exhausted, I need to go home," I panicked. I didn't want to sound rude or ruin the mood, so I forced myself to stay. This was my big mistake. Because I forced it, I became completely quiet, super cold, and visibly detached. I was just staring at my coffee, giving him short, one-word answers. He obviously noticed the sudden change and kept asking me if I was okay or if he said something to upset me.
The awkwardness in the air became so heavy that I couldn't take it anymore. I panicked even more, stood up, and made up the dumbest, most clumsy excuse on the spot. I told him I forgot I had an "urgent online meeting for work" and literally ran out of the cafe, leaving him sitting there alone with half-eaten food.
Later that night, he texted me saying he felt super insulted and thought I was mad at him. I tried to explain the whole social battery thing over text, but because my excuse at the cafe was so sketchy, it just sounded like a fake lie to him. Now he’s acting very distant and I feel like a total jerk. I wanted to protect his feelings, but my awkward behavior made everything a hundred times worse.
TL;DR: My social battery instantly crashed to zero while out with a friend at a cafe. I panicked, became super cold, made up a dumb excuse about a work meeting, and ran away, leaving him alone. Now he thinks I hate him.
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