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TIFU by texting my ex

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TIFU: slept with my best friends cRuSh because he gets everything he wants.

TIFU: Slept with friends crush before he could ask her out.

I (23M) probably just screwed up with my best friend “Sean” (22). Me and Sean met when we were 18 working at the same factory. We both have different jobs now but we both live with our dudes “Rich” (23) and “Jon” (22). We all share mutual friends - some of them chicks.

Sean has always been able to pull chicks no problem. Hes also got a lot of other friends from hockey and friends from childhood. He was dating his high school gf (who went psycho on him before they broke up) when we met so I know for sure he did it in high school (I didn’t have sex til I was 19). He’s a nice guy too and not in a weird way like a good guy way, like he’s the kinda guy you can rely on and you know he actually listens and shit and maybe that’s probably why I feel bad about doing what I did. He’s taller than me and better looking and he’s not as anxious as me.

So when he told me that he has trouble going for women who are good for him I was like wtf and he was like “I always go for women who hurt me and shit”. And then he just dumped on me that he comes from this crazy abusive family and he was cheated on before so he feels like he doesnt have much to offer and something. He told me he was into a chick (“developed feelings for” ugh) we know named Jen and that she made him feel good about himself and that he was his best self around her… so he was thinking about asking her out. I told him to go for it because why wouldn’t she go out with him? He said he wasn’t sure how to go about it and that he needed to really think about it (because she’s our friend and he didn’t wanna creep her out). He even said he wasn’t sure if was gonna go for her because he didn’t feel like he felt good enough about himself. To me it felt like he was being down on himself so I just kept telling him to go for it. Jen’s even said she’d go out with him or even that he’s hot and would bang him (when she was drunk). What he didn’t know is that Jen has just told me she might wanna get with him this weekend but I’d didn’t tell Sean that. Jen asked me if I was gay once so I’ve always been kinda worried she thinks I am so I always wanted to sleep with her to prove I’m not. If Sean got with her she’d always think I was gay. And then Sean might think that too. Im just playing chess it’s what guys do when they want the same woman. I was dreading the day that Sean wOrKs uP tHe cOurAgE to ask her out and I felt like my time was running out.

Couple days later on his birthday, we had a party at our place and Jen was there. I asked Sean if he was gonna make Jen his “birthday wish” and he said he didn’t wanna ask her out in case she rejects him on his birthday. So I thought to myself “okay dude I’m gonna hop in there!” While Sean was out back getting high with HiS hOcKey BuDs, I took Jen into another room and told her a huge lie… So I had enough motive to wanna sleep with Jen first before Sean. Sean gets everything he wants and doesn’t know what it’s like to have to really work to get chicks. He doesn’t give a shit that he’s tall or GL or that he’s good with women. I couldn’t stand him going all emo on me the other night but he gave me some good lines to give to Jen. I told her everything that Sean said to me about how she makes me a better man and that I’m my best self around her and I could see myself building a great life with her. Literally she kinda me feel that way too but I didn’t wanna start a relationship like Sean did. She got really emotional when I told her all that. She kissed me and we made out, I fingered, asked her for bj and she did, we snuck out of the party together and locked ourselves in my bedroom and then we slept together. Not gonna lie, best sex of my life. That night while me and Jen were having sex, somehow Sean found out and left the house and just like vanished.

The next day he stayed in his room all day. Then he was making dinner and I asked him what was wrong and he told me he saw us in the basement and I told him “so what? she’s not yours dude” and he was like “yeah hut you knew how I felt about her why’d you choose to sleep with her right after???” and I couldn’t help but laugh because he wasn’t getting it. And I was like “dude you told me two days ago, you had a chance, this isn’t enough to get upset about you can still bang her if you still want to it’s your life dude.” And then he looked at me like he wanted to kill me (still worried he might) and said “you’re the worst friend a guy can have” and then just went silent and back to cooking. I tried to talk to him again yesterday but he told me he’s moving out at the end of the lease and that’s two months from now. He said he already told our roommates over dinner but he didn’t tell our them why he’s mad at me because it’s just between us. I told him it’s not worth ending a friendship over. I suggested we could share her or something and he got really offended.

It’s been a few days. I’ve been sleeping with Jen every night and I’m so confused. How did I get here? My best friend hates me because to me: he’s weak and sensitive and my friend Jen is now my f-buddy but I don’t want it? I’m so confused. My problem is that Jen’s really into me now and wants a relationship and I don’t? Honestly she doesn’t really live up to what I thought she might be. She’s not as hot as she makes herself up to be, I thought she’d wanna do fun stuff like bar hopping but she’s much more into outdoor stuff, and she’s really moody when she drives us places. I’ve been ignoring her texts just cause I’m so swamped with this drama with Sean that I can’t answer her. Sean’s gonna leave me and our roommates screwed come renewal. If Sean moves out, we’re gonna have to find a new roommate and I’m worried Jen might think that’s like a window for her or something.

I’m not asking for advice but I really need a way to break it off with Jen because she’s really really really clingy.
Am i the asshole for sleeping with Jen before Sean got to? Is Sean right for moving out and hating on me? I felt like I just played the game that’s all.

TL;DR:
My best friend who is 10 needed to be taken down a peg so I slept with his crush to reinforce a better dynamic between us. He ended the friendship. I guess i fucked up?

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