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TIFU by stomping up 2 pizzas

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TIFU By bringing my extra strong Poppers to the club

Usual “this actually happened a while ago” disclaimer (sorry).

Months ago, I was at the local drag show that I attend every week. The way it works is that the drag show starts at about half 9, goes on until around 11, after which it opens up into a gay club night.

I’ve been going there since my first year of uni, and now I’m a graduate, so I’m very familiar with the regular attendees as well as the bar and door staff. I know many of them on a first-name basis.

The thing is that, because my friends and I are loyal customers, we tend to get away with more than the average clubgoer would, specifically with poppers.
Poppers as a substance exist in this “legal to own, illegal to consume” grey area where I am, but most of the time the bouncers tend to turn a blind eye to us doing them as long as we keep it discreet.

So I’m on my regular club sesh, drinking a Venom and dancing to Club Classics (Best song on Brat btw) when it transitions to "Rush" by Troye Sivan. Immediately, I have other regulars coming to me for a whiff of the goods. Standard procedure.

This is where it goes wrong.

Someone gets a wee bit too keen and accidentally knocks the open poppers bottle out of my hand, spilling it all over the dancefloor. Now, as the title says, my poppers are extra strong (they’re not called Gape Boy Advanced for nothing), so immediately the whole place absolutely reeks of chemicals, like an actual biohazard.

The regulars’ corner immediately clears out, and my pals and I have to step out into the smoking area because we’re getting headaches. Even after nearly half an hour, the club’s typical BO smell is still overpowered by the GBA.

It lingers for the rest of the night, to the point where the regulars’ corner stays sparse and people spend the evening running over to it and wafting the air into their faces when they want a second-hand (if we’re being honest, first-hand) high.

The cherry on top was the fact that someone who works for my uni’s branch of The Tab student newspaper was present, and he posted about it on their Instagram page, where you can actually see me in the Insta reel realising how badly I’d fucked up in real time.

Fortunately, so many people bring poppers that I wasn’t singled out, and the smell had disappeared by the following week.

TL:DR Brought super strong poppers to my regular club, they got spilt and I accidentally gassed the club.

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