TIFU by forgetting what NAVY actually stands for. Obligatory “this happened today.”

For those unfamiliar, NAVY is an acronym:
Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
This is a lesson every sailor learns eventually. Today, I learned it again.
This morning my Chief walked into the office and uttered the most dangerous phrase in military history:
"Need a volunteer."
Now, any experienced sailor knows this is a trap. A setup. An ambush. A scam wrapped in a question.
And yet, like the absolute genius I am, I raised my hand.
"Sure, Chief."
"Great."
Five minutes later I discovered I had just volunteered for what can only be described as Pecker Checker Duty.
For those who don't know, I was assigned as a urinalysis observer for a group of students who had just graduated boot camp.
Because apparently enough people throughout Navy history have attempted Olympic-level cheating during piss tests that the process is now less "provide a sample" and more "airport security for your bladder."
The students reported in wearing PTUs and turned in their IDs.
Once inside the restroom, the rules were simple:
PT shorts lowered to at least mid-thigh.

Boxers or briefs lowered to at least mid-thigh.

PT shirt held up.

Stand on the designated blue footprints.

Produce urine while an observer confirms that the sample is, in fact, coming from the correct source.

I was one of four observers.
There were approximately 120 students.
One hundred and twenty.
Now here's the thing nobody tells you: most people suddenly forget how to pee the moment a stranger is standing three feet away staring at them like they're a suspicious wildlife exhibit.
So for hours I escorted nervous boot camp graduates into the restroom one at a time.
"Step onto the blue footprints."
Silence.
"Whenever you're ready."
More silence.
The student stares at the urinal.
The urinal stares back.
I stare at both of them because that's literally my assigned duty.
Nobody wants to be there.
The student wants to disappear.
I want to disappear.
The bladder wants a lawyer.
At one point I became painfully aware that I had seen more random Navy penises before lunch than most people see in an entire lifetime.
Every time one finished, another appeared.
Like some kind of terrible assembly line.
Student #47.
Student #48.
Student #49.
By the time we reached the end, I wasn't even seeing people anymore. Just blue footprints and increasingly stressed-out bladders.
So today I learned two things:
Never volunteer.

If a Chief asks for a volunteer, immediately become fascinated by literally anything else in the room.

TL;DR: My Chief asked for a volunteer. I forgot NAVY stands for Never Again Volunteer Yourself. Ended up spending the day as a urinalysis observer processing 120 boot camp graduates and saw more nervous dudes trying to pee under pressure than I ever wanted to in my lifetime.