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I had Mexican for lunch. It was fucking delicious, but the onions and spice really started a storm brewing in my gut.
I take the bus home from work every day. Lately, the city I live in has been replacing a lot of their buses with these hybrid or electric models, which are not only environmentally friendly but posteriorally hostile since the seats in these models are all made of HARD plastic. More sanitary, I guess. Easier to clean. Oh, and the engine doesn't make noise when the bus is stopped.
Ten minutes into the ride home from work, I feel a little bubble in my gut. No biggie, I think, and I angle sideways slightly to let it slide out.
The bus was at a red light. The plastic seat betrayed me.
Hand to god, I have NEVER ripped a louder fart in my LIFE. Like, cheeks flapping BRRT, I heard it through noise-cancelling headphones playing music. I'm positive even the driver had to have heard it while I was sitting in the back of the bus.
"Oh, that's not so bad," you must be thinking. "If it was crowded, all you had to do was just act nonchalant and no one would know it was you." No, I have the sense of humor of a seven year old boy. And the sheer impact of the noise made me do one of those really stupid laughs, the one where you press your lips together and your WHOLE body starts shaking. Like, I held in so much laughter I turned red and teared up. I didn't look at anyone on the bus out of sheer shame, just stared at my phone screen and tried not to die.
I guess of all the things that could have followed farting on the bus, I should be grateful things didn't go worse.
TL;DR: farted on the bus and started laughing. Everyone knew I did it.
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