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TIFU by mishearing what my partner said in bed this morning

Welp I’m not sure my relationship will ever recover from what happened this morning but only time will tell. I (29M) had just woken up this morning to my partner of 4 years (26MTF) kissing me and I was all for it. Things had been a little dry due to stress and life but boy was I turned on and ready to go. After making out one thing led to another, and we were moving on to hand stuff. She then expressed what she wanted to do to me orally, and I was very excited. She began rubbing her around my lips, which made me a little uncomfortable, but I kept going with it because I could tell she liked it. It’s not that I completely disliked it, I just have a sensitive face and feel weird when there’s light sensations hovering around it.

Anyways, she began dirty talking, and this is where I had misheard what she was saying. Some quick background information should be mentioned. We do this reoccurring bit outside the bedroom where she’ll do a very masc trucker voice and pretend to role play as “daddy” and call me her little girl before tickling me (we’ve all got our goofy nonsensical bits we do with our partners). Back to the bedroom, she was referring to herself as daddy‘s girl and calling me, daddy which I can admit I’m into. However, I had misheard what she was saying, and I thought she was doing the bit where she was daddy and I was the little girl while rubbing her finger around my lip, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. I had quickly jumped back a little bit out of surprise and asked her what she was saying which I had again misheard and told her I didn’t want that right not. Before I realized what was actually happening, she had left the bedroom and went to the bathroom and started crying. I apologized profusely because I realized that I had misheard what she was saying and in doing so I made her feel ugly. I made her feel not wanted and things had already been dry so this hurt her extra.

She expressed she didn’t want to talk about it and wanted alone time which I respected and revisited maybe 30 minutes later after it felt like she was avoiding me completely. I tried to tell her how I misheard her and misinterpreted the entire situation which just led to a full on breakdown of how I make her feel ugly and like shit all the time. She exploded with anger and sadness and rushed out the house with her bike where I followed her. The she began to scream at me outside about how the entire world hates people like her (A trans woman of color) and shouted how she didn’t care if she made a scene in front of our neighbors or community. She finally expressed how I’d be much happier without her in my life and how if she died I wouldn’t have to be with her anymore and can move on.

Before all of this, and just yesterday, she had a dream where she saw me with another lady and said I looked happy and then chose to be upset with me all day long because of something that dream version of me did. It’s also worth mentioning that over a month ago. Our neighbor across the street had killed herself due to her mental health that she’d been struggling with.

So now here I am all alone. I have nobody to talk to about these things. We have the same friend group and I don’t think that our business is any of theirs. My mom is busy at work and I don’t wanna trauma dump onto my dad unexpectedly before Father’s Day especially when we already have an interesting relationship where we don’t communicate entirely.

TL;DR I misheard what my partner was telling me this morning in bed thus resulting in a complete mental breakdown on her end and me feeling like the biggest fuckup around. Mental health is no joke everyone. Please seek help and speak to someone if you can and are willing.

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