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TIFU by calling my grandpa

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TIFU my relationship.

TIFU my relationship.. This started a while ago to be honest but I guess this was the breaking point. I had been fine with my boyfriend since we started dating a few months back but I started a new antidepressant a while ago and it spiked my seperation anxiety to the point he would get calls from me every 10 minutes (he wouldn't answer any because he was busy and didn't even realise I was calling), and I took myself off of the medication because it got bad to the point I had an electrocardiogram and it came back as abnormal, and I still have not been able to calm down from the antidepressants, he can't even leave me alone for the night meaning he has to sleep over every night instead of going to his student accommodation otherwise I won't be able to sleep and I'll have panic attacks, today when he answered one of my calls he said he might go somewhere tonight before coming to my house and I was against it, to which he said I never let him go anywhere, he can't even go on walks and wants to go to another city (I think just to visit), he hasn't slept at his place in a while and a bunch of other things in a really stern tone, I know this is my fault and I should get it under control but I'm really struggling to, I want him to have his own life too of course and it pains me that he feels he can't have one with me, he's been trying to reassure me for a few hours that he loves me, doesn't mind sleeping at my house every night..etc..but if he didn't mind then why would he complain about that specific aspect in the first place, I really just can't understand, and I know I should understand I just really can't, my brain doesn't let me. I have entirely changed as a person, and I'm changing again, I used to be laid back and often monotone, to the point my friends believed I didn't feel any emotions (partly true) and then my ex came along and sort of forced me to express my emotions (he began regretting it and getting angry any time I did do that), and so when we broke up I went even further into that monotone emotionless state, and then I met my current bf and everything was fine for a while, but I started to feel too much and express that too much too, so I think I'll just go back to not feeling anything again. I'm scared he's going to leave me or lose some feelings for me, or worse, I'm scared he'll change and never be the same again.

TL;DR: I let my emotions override my common sense and it may end my relationship.

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