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TIFU by waxing my ear hair

So I bought a nose hair waxing kit a while back and have been amazed at how waxing my nose hair has improved my life to an utterly unexpected degree. No more stuffy or itchy noses. No more errant hairs or visible boogers. It doesn’t even hurt as long as you don’t hesitate during the pull.

Anyways, I was reveling in my nose-hairless experience when I got the brilliant idea to wax my ear hair. I didn’t even have much ear hair. I was just so drunk on hairlessness that I was willing to try anything.

I waxed up the pulling plugs which resemble chess pawns an inserted one into each ear. The wax hardens almost immediately creating an airtight super tacky seal in the ear canal. Hoping to avoid unnecessary pain I gave each of them a merciless tug simultaneously.

It was at that point that I noticed my wrists and shoulders were covered with spatters of blood. I had neglected to realize that unlike my nose, there was a thin yet important membrane inside my ear blocking the entire inside.

The pain was unbearable. Like nothing I had ever imagined before. I screamed and writhed on the cold bathroom floor before crawling, naked incidentally, outside and begging my sister to drive me to the hospital.

I can’t hear a single thing except for ringing at the moment and am typing this at the same time as having a panic attack in the waiting room of a hospital because I think I may have deafened myself for life.

Tl:dr I waxed my ear hair and completely obliterated both my eardrums simultaneously

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