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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by getting the cops called on me after shaving my ass

This happened a month ago. It was around 3am and I couldn't sleep so I thought "Hey, why not shave down there? It's been quite a while." I bring out my shaver and start going at it until everything is gone. Then, I turn around and try to shave my ass.

As my fellow ladies might know, it's kind of difficult to shave one's ass. You bend over and pray you don't nick anything. Well, in this case, I nicked something because I started bleeding. Ass blood all over my hand. The bleeding showed no sign of stopping so I shouted for my younger sister (with whom I share a room with) to come over to the bathroom and help. She comes in and starts freaking the fuck out. She's screaming and I'm trying to calm her down whilst holding my butt cheeks apart to prevent the blood from staining the other cheek.

I tell her to get something that may help me and this idiot grabs a small bottle of glittery hand sanitizer and squirts about half of its contents into the wound. It burns. Like, it really really REALLY burns. I lose all my composure and start screaming while fanning my butt. I would give anything to make the pain stop. I start running around, crying in agony. Well, it must have sounded like someone was being murdered because some cops arrived to check on us. I was still hunched over in pain in my nightgown while answering their questions I had never been so embarassed in my life.

TLDR: Tried to shave my ass at 3AM. Accidentally cut my ass with the shaver. I scream my head off. Neighbor calls cops.

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