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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by flashing my elderly neighbour in the worst way possible

This literally happened about an hour ago and I don't think I can ever go outside again.

So today, my period started, and us folks who have periods know how brutal it can be going to the loo, especially on your first and second day. Because of this, when I left my house to visit my parents, I took some wet wipes in case I had a bout of the dreaded period shits whilst I was there. Luckily I didn't need them.

I got back around 11pm and within minutes, I had to sprint to the loo because I knew exactly what was coming. Once I'd suffered for a while and knew it was all over, I reached for my wipes but realised they weren't in my bathroom. I'd left them in my bag, and I'd left my bag in my living room by my window. My living room has a window right by the fire escape style stairs that go up to my first floor flat. I also have a security light by my door, so when I'm sat by my living room window, I can see anyone who comes up the stairs and is by my door. The only way anyone can see through this window is if they're literally stood by my door and leaning over to look into my window.

I figured that it being pretty late, I could just waddle into the front room to grab my bag, which is exactly what I did. Only, as I bent down, arse up and un-wiped, my security light turned on to reveal my very elderly male neighbour stood at the top of my stairs and staring at me in utter horror.

I'd dropped something by the front entrance of the house and he was returning it to me. I couldn't even bare to open the door so just mumbled some thank yous and profuse apologies through the letter box. I honestly don't know how I'm going to face him or his wife ever ever again.

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TL;DR I flashed my un-wiped, blood and shit covered arse to my elderly neighbour who was by my window attempting to return something to me.

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