Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by not shitting for 4 days

NSFW bc kinda fucking gross

Spoiler bc you'll spoil your appetite for certain

Read on if you dare

This happened under an hour ago

So, for the past few days I've started being an adult and actually making proper meals for myself with HelloFresh. I'd get 3 orders on Friday and cook them on fri-sun. This is where the downhillery begins.

Today, Monday, I woke up for work and it just clicked in my head; I have not had a shit since Thursday. I went to work, tried having a shit during my lunch but just couldn't get much out in under 10 minutes, so I had to leave it until I got home.

Fast forwards to this evening, I was feeling fine, had some nice garlic potatoes with crumbed chicken breasts, along with a second supper which was thai noodles with more chicken (not fat, more like midnight snack).

I was lying in bed around 12:30 when I noticed my appendix started aching like crazy. I remember needing a shit a lil bit earlier but I brushed it off for a job for the morning. 10 mins later I'm sweating and googling away at appendicitis symptoms. The pain wasn't getting worse.

Feeling nervous and drastic, I decided it was time to use/abuse the can. Literally the first shit just disappeared. It was so dense that it just went straight into the sewers. Terminal velocity probably fucked someone's undead goldfish.

I literally shat out about 3 shits in one session. I didn't even have to clean the toilet, it was spotless. My appendix doesn't hurt anymore.

TL;DR

Didn't shit for several days and my stomach probably pushed on my appendix enough to hurt it after I ate 2 meals in one night, causing me to think I have appendicitis, but instead it was about 5kg worth of shit.

Please don't comment saying "oh no!!!!1! go doctr!!?!". I have a job and 0 holiday days, I'm not wasting my sick days to find out I was literally full of shit

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more