Skip to main content

TIFU dafür dass ich damals bescheuert war?

TIFU by not shitting for 4 days

NSFW bc kinda fucking gross

Spoiler bc you'll spoil your appetite for certain

Read on if you dare

This happened under an hour ago

So, for the past few days I've started being an adult and actually making proper meals for myself with HelloFresh. I'd get 3 orders on Friday and cook them on fri-sun. This is where the downhillery begins.

Today, Monday, I woke up for work and it just clicked in my head; I have not had a shit since Thursday. I went to work, tried having a shit during my lunch but just couldn't get much out in under 10 minutes, so I had to leave it until I got home.

Fast forwards to this evening, I was feeling fine, had some nice garlic potatoes with crumbed chicken breasts, along with a second supper which was thai noodles with more chicken (not fat, more like midnight snack).

I was lying in bed around 12:30 when I noticed my appendix started aching like crazy. I remember needing a shit a lil bit earlier but I brushed it off for a job for the morning. 10 mins later I'm sweating and googling away at appendicitis symptoms. The pain wasn't getting worse.

Feeling nervous and drastic, I decided it was time to use/abuse the can. Literally the first shit just disappeared. It was so dense that it just went straight into the sewers. Terminal velocity probably fucked someone's undead goldfish.

I literally shat out about 3 shits in one session. I didn't even have to clean the toilet, it was spotless. My appendix doesn't hurt anymore.

TL;DR

Didn't shit for several days and my stomach probably pushed on my appendix enough to hurt it after I ate 2 meals in one night, causing me to think I have appendicitis, but instead it was about 5kg worth of shit.

Please don't comment saying "oh no!!!!1! go doctr!!?!". I have a job and 0 holiday days, I'm not wasting my sick days to find out I was literally full of shit

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU By Fumbling My Gym Crush

I've never posted on Reddit before so apologies if anything is off. I (F) had a crush on a man at my gym for months. We would make extended eye contact frequently, workout in proximity, the usual gym things that get over analyzed when you like someone. He's wildly handsome, but I liked his vibe. A lot. It's hard to explain when someone's energy just hits different but his did. One day he started coming in with a woman. The day I saw her with him, he and I actually stared at each other from across the room for a while, and I turned and walked away because obviously gym rules - that's his girlfriend until I'm told otherwise. The eye contact continues and so does the proximity but I've dialed back completely because in my head, he has a girl and I am no home wrecker. Well, recently, on a Sunday, I was having a real shit day. I accidentally hurt my shoulder so my back day was all off, my body wasn't cooperating, the gym was packed - all I wanted to do w...

TIFU by getting called racist for not handing cash to a customer

today I (F18) fucked up by worked a long ahh shift and got put on register. I never hand money in people’s hands as customers have yelled at me for it, and i think it’s germy so I scoot it towards them as a sign of respect. this lady came in and after i did that she goes “Imma need you to do that again and put it in my hand, you did this last time too don’t you know it’s disrespectful” (meanwhile i haven’t worked register in 2 months at said job and didn’t recognize her) so i apologize, and then cuz it’s call off time i go talk to my boss about it and they all agree with me. apparently though she told my keyholder who’s a poc i was being RACIST by not touching her. so i got told i need to do better even though i didn’t do anything. she was insinuating i was a racist. idk if i should quit or what but i fucked up. TL;DR: i’m a dumbass

TIFU by making a joke that landed horribly

I was talking to someone and thought I was being funny, but the second the words left my mouth I knew I had messed up. It was one of those jokes that sounds fine in your head and then just dies completely in real life. Nobody laughed, the mood got awkward instantly, and I could feel my face getting hot because I knew I had just made everything weird for no reason. What made it worse is that I tried to recover from it instead of just shutting up. So then I started talking more, which only made it more obvious that I was panicking. You know that feeling when you can hear yourself getting worse while it’s happening and you still can’t stop? yeah, that was me. I kept trying to act normal, but the whole thing was already gone. After that I just wanted to disappear and pretend it never happened. I’m still thinking about it way more than I should, which somehow makes it even more embarrassing. I really should have just kept my mouth shut for once. TL;DR: I tried to be funny and the joke...