Skip to main content

TIFU by not shitting for 4 days

NSFW bc kinda fucking gross

Spoiler bc you'll spoil your appetite for certain

Read on if you dare

This happened under an hour ago

So, for the past few days I've started being an adult and actually making proper meals for myself with HelloFresh. I'd get 3 orders on Friday and cook them on fri-sun. This is where the downhillery begins.

Today, Monday, I woke up for work and it just clicked in my head; I have not had a shit since Thursday. I went to work, tried having a shit during my lunch but just couldn't get much out in under 10 minutes, so I had to leave it until I got home.

Fast forwards to this evening, I was feeling fine, had some nice garlic potatoes with crumbed chicken breasts, along with a second supper which was thai noodles with more chicken (not fat, more like midnight snack).

I was lying in bed around 12:30 when I noticed my appendix started aching like crazy. I remember needing a shit a lil bit earlier but I brushed it off for a job for the morning. 10 mins later I'm sweating and googling away at appendicitis symptoms. The pain wasn't getting worse.

Feeling nervous and drastic, I decided it was time to use/abuse the can. Literally the first shit just disappeared. It was so dense that it just went straight into the sewers. Terminal velocity probably fucked someone's undead goldfish.

I literally shat out about 3 shits in one session. I didn't even have to clean the toilet, it was spotless. My appendix doesn't hurt anymore.

TL;DR

Didn't shit for several days and my stomach probably pushed on my appendix enough to hurt it after I ate 2 meals in one night, causing me to think I have appendicitis, but instead it was about 5kg worth of shit.

Please don't comment saying "oh no!!!!1! go doctr!!?!". I have a job and 0 holiday days, I'm not wasting my sick days to find out I was literally full of shit

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...