Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by thinking my grandmother wanted me to take part in a threesome

Well where to begin with this one.

I(27M) have been talking to a woman I met online for a little while now. Nothing official yet, but just casual conversation and some flirting that does get dirty now and again.

Well today I texted her asking if she would like to meet in person to get dinner or go to the movies. She said she doesn't go to the movies but dinner would be great. I thought it was a little odd because a week ago she mentioned a movie she wanted to see. I figured she just doesn't prefer it for a date night, or waits until she can watch from home.

I say dinner is perfect and ask what day is the best. She tells me and asks "Do you want me to invite Papa or just you and me?"

I'm stunned with a bit of confusion at this point. She had never mentioned having a boyfriend, husband, or "Papa." I responded to say "Sorry I don't know what that means."

She didn't respond for a bit. So I decided to be a bit more straightforward. I asked "Are you asking me if you can bring a boyfriend? You never mentioned being in a relationship so I wasn't sure who you were referring to."

I know it's more common now to see open relationships or throuples. Not something I've ever been a part of but hey, you never know.

At the same time I sent it, she responded "Sometimes grandsons want me to bring Papa along, sometimes they just want to see me."

I was really struggling with these code words. I've heard of unicorns, but Papas and grandsons? I have no idea what these terms mean and what sex club or orgy was awaiting me. But I wanted to learn more before outright refusing.

I said "I'd rather just meet with you. If you and your boyfriend are okay with that."

Again, silence for quite a few minutes. I'm scratching my head wondering how we went from normal conversation to nicknames and innuendos I've never heard of.

I start typing a new message to apologize and explain my confusion: "I'm sorry, I'm just not really familiar with this terminology. I don't mean to be forward but are we even talking about literal dinner? Or are you asking if I want to join you and your boyfriend in the bedroom? I'm sorry I'm just confused."

As my finger moves towards the send button, a text appears and I hesitate.

"I think you're texting the wrong person."

I assumed she was getting frustrated with my ignorance on the subject, and decided to just send me on my way. I shrugged it off and thought I was probably better off not pursuing it any further.

Then I scroll up on the messages.

I realize with pure horror that I've been texting with my grandmother this entire time.

I'm really really bad about adding numbers to my contacts. I usually know by the area code who's texting me. Well my grandparents and my new lady friend share the same area code. No one else I contact has it.

Pure panic washes over me as I try to reconcile this conversation I've just had. How could I be so stupid? Papa is what I've called my grandfather my entire life. I'm her literal fucking grandson and I'm trying to figure what the word grandson means sexually.

My grandparents are literally the picture perfect sweet old people you think of. They are not ones you would ever use profanity or discuss inappropriate topics with. They also wouldn't be okay with an open relationship or throuple situation. They are way too traditional for that.

I pledge my entire future genealogy to whatever higher power intervened before I hit send on that last text. But I'm still terrified. I just asked to meet a girl without her boyfriend, if her boyfriend was okay with it. How do I explain this without looking bad. Also how do I explain my interpretation of "Papa" to mean boyfriend in the first place?

I call my grandma. She answers and thankfully is not freaking out as I expected. I tell her I was just texting a friend to hang out. I wasn't aware she had a boyfriend, but I was still interested in catching up over dinner if he didn't mind us doing that. She seemed to buy it and laughed off the misunderstanding. She said something about it being funny that I thought Papa meant boyfriend, but I didn't want to spend any time on that topic.

Crisis averted. But for a minute there my life flashed before my eyes. I'm so traumatized that I can't even bring myself to ask the right person out.

TL:DR / TL : DR

Texted a girl asking for a date. Turns out I accidentally texted my grandma and thought her use of the words "Papa" and "grandson" were some innuendo referring to a threesome or throuple. Caught my mistake just before I outright asked if a threesome was happening. Too traumatized to ask the girl out for real.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more