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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by making a charcuterie board for Christmas Eve dinner

Unlike many posts I see come up, this one actually did happen today and I am still paying the price as I type and wait for the next wave of misery.

One thing my wife and I have embraced in recent years is taking it easy on ourselves and keeping things simple. All too often the holidays become stressful with everything there is to do. When the subject of meals for Christmas came up (and I saw my wife's expression of "ah, fuck, another thing to figure out"), I suggested something different and low key - a charcuterie board that we could snack on while watching movies.

Being in the Midwest, there's plenty of great cheeses to choose from. I picked up some brie, a nice smoked gruyere, havarti, and a few others along with summer sausage, salami, and various crackers, etc. My first fuck up was loading up on the soft cheeses, which I don't normally eat and tend to have more lactose.

The spread looked glorious and my second fuck up was totally losing track of how much I ate while we watched the Muppet Christmas Carol (annual tradition). Within an hour or so my stomach was gurgling.

Shortly after putting our son to bed I got the sense that I might be in trouble. The gurgling intensified and worked its way lower. Fortunately, we were able to play Santa and carry up all the presents from the basement before all hell broke loose and my body started slamming the eject button. I'm now starting to question if I might actually be a bit lactose intolerant as I make my fourth trip to the bathroom and cramp up so hard I turn cross-eyed. Not how I wanted to spend Christmas Eve.

TLDR; tried to be cute with the wife and have a charcuterie board for dinner. Ended up spending all night on the toilet and will totally not be ready to wake up when our toddler comes busting in our room shouting "Santa came!"

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