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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by trusting my dog too much

Somehow this story only happened roughly an hour ago. My husband and I have two dogs, a big golden retriever and smaller corgi mix. They are sometimes inseparable and love getting into a LOT of trouble together. Tonight, the big doofus decided to chase a deer in our fully fenced in yard. Poor thing couldn't get out as she ran from him. Of course my husband tried bringing him in to no avail. Finally, we got him to reluctantly go back inside. We decided to put him to bed early as he wouldn't not listen to either of us. Fuel to the disaster that had yet to strike.

Our other usually lovely corgi mix was happily listening to us and overall enjoying life. We allowed him to roam the house as he had earned our trust and was been a very good boy. How we were so very, very wrong. I should also mention that we have a robot vacuum cleaner that runs twice a day and does a pretty good job with the golden retriever hair. I'm sure you can sense where this is going. I've seen the stories.

At this point it's like 10 o'clock and I decided to head to bed. Around 11:30 my husband came to give me a kiss goodnight. Then I hear it.

"FUCK"

Then I smelled it from several rooms away. It was like a nuclear bomb went off and assaulted my nose hairs until they were dead. All I could smell and breathe was poop.

My husband asks for my help, and as I walk into ground zero the smell only intensifies.

What I saw next could only describe as a scene out of a cheap horror movie. The robot vacuum upside on the sink completely covered in dog poop. Our hardwood floors smeared in it. Little flakes spread out through the floor. So the corgi usually lets us know if we have wronged his ancestors by pooping in the house. Thought we had finally broken the habit after almost a year.

Nope.

He was mad that his brother had been put down for bed and sure let us know that the next time it would be a liquid shit that he'd grace us with.

After several minutes of cleaning the floor, we had almost forgot about the robot vacuum. It had smeared all along the wheels, rollers, filters. Smooshed itself all the way in very small tiny cracks and crevasses. A tear fell as I thought about why I got a dog in the first place. We decided that there was no helping him and ultimately that we'd have to put him a trash bad and say goodbye. The robot of course.

So many lessons learned tonight. May your robot vacuums be ever clean and free of poop. Beware the dog ancestor gods.

Tl;dr: robot vacuums and dogs don't mix.

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