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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by drugging my girlfriend through her vagina

Obligatory this did not happen today but rather a few weeks ago, and now after putting two and two together it also happened once last year.

Now I'm sure we all know how amazing heroin is, which is why they tell you not to do it, but I'll be damned if someone is gonna tell me what to do. Well, lo and behold doing heroin really fucking sucks actually, which is why I am going on my third year clean now and life has greatly improved. I initially got clean via Methadone, and then the past year transferred over to Buprenorphine, which is a medicine designed to block your opioid receptors and curb withdrawal symptoms. I know this technically is not 100% "clean" to some people, but it works for me and am very happy with how much progress I've made over the years, as I slowly ween down off the medicines.

Flash back to about a year ago. Now if there is one thing I love more than heroin, its eating out a vagina like I'm a death row inmate and its my last meal. Hands down my favorite thing to do in the bedroom, and I really get in there. Sparing all the slobbery details, I was doing the deed to my now girlfriend, we had sex and then everyone clapped. Time to catch some Z's.

Half-way through the night, my rest has been disturbed by the sound of my girlfriend violently throwing up into the trashcan next to our bed. The whole next day she stayed home from work, in a daze, and kept saying she felt "high", which was strange way to describe feeling sick in my opinion, but whatever.

Now one thing you should know about this medication, is that it is a sublingual strip that dissolves under your tongue. Since I have a high opiate tolerance, no amount of this medication will every make me feel high. 8mg is considered a high dose, yet I could take one or two of those and not feel anything, it's just how it works. However, if you have absolutely no tolerance to opiates, meaning the most you have ever taken is a 5mg pain pill from getting your wisdom teeth out, this medication will wreck you. I'm talking less than a milligram will lay you out for 24 hours.

Eventually she felt better and life went on. Now its last week, and we have the house to ourselves and we had already wined and dined, so what's left? you guessed it: 69. The following morning I was awaked once again to the sound of vomit. She kept saying how she felt really high, and it finally clicked. After dinner I took my medication, and I guess the residuals of it where still floating around in my mouth and must have absorbed into her via her vagina. She was puking off of the side of cloud-9 for the rest of the day, and by the night time she felt better. Thankfully it was a weekend so she didn't have to miss work this time. I felt really bad, but It's just something I didn't think could even happen. She was a really good sport about it, and minus the puking it wasn't all bad for her, as she has experimented with different substances here and there. I am much more carful now about kissing either set of my girlfriends lips nowadays.

So that's how I accidentally drugged my girlfriend through her vagina.

TL;DR: My sublingual medication absorbed into my girlfriends vagina while I was eating her out and got her really high, twice.

EDIT: Thank you SO much to everyone offering their support to my recovery. Internet Strangers taking time out of their day to offer words of encouragement really means a lot to me. I appreciate all of you!!!

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