Skip to main content

TIFU by getting a mommy makeover

Like others this FU didn't technically happen today but I'm dealing with the hard and painful consequences. On mobile, not a throwaway because IDGAF anymore

The initial FU was not even mine but happened about 4 years ago. I was pregnant and had an unplanned C-section. Everything was hunky dory, or so as all thought. Fast forward 10 days later and I can't keep a single piece of food or drop of liquid down and I wake up screaming in pain from cramps stronger than contractions. My mother finally convinced me to go to urgent care. I promptly get an X ray and the tech asks me if I had a drain after the C-section. I tell him I'm pretty sure I didn't and immediately call my husband who has lots of surgical experience.

I relay the question to hubby who recognizes the "drain" immediately as a tab on a laparotomy sponge. They're specifically designed this way to show up on x-ray for this exact occasion. Rush to the ER, convince my mother to take her flight home that leaves in an hour because she won't be able to do anything here and off I go to surgery.

4 hours and 2 feet of my bowel later, I'm in recovery. You would think this would be the end but, sadly it was not. 4 days go by, I'm being discharged and I puke no less than 15 feet out of the hospital parking lot because they didn't get all of the infection. So far, I only have one scar from all of this because they've been able to use the same incision. This is no longer the case.

I'm cut open again, this time vertically from about 3 inches above my belly button to 3 inches below. They swear they've washed me out and warned me that this amount of trauma will likely lead to future issues.

Cue to 5 days ago. I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's and I'm due to have plastic surgery to fix all the prior FUs that are not even mine. Monday I get to my destination after 20 ish hours of no sleep and air travel with a toddler. I don't poop, but no big deal, it'll come tomorrow. No dice Tuesday, Wednesday is surgery day. I take some narcotics, but try not to take many because the pain is manageable.

This leads us to today. I have not pooped in 7 days and while I've been eating healthy (3 servings of bread over 7 days and only chicken breast, raw veggies and ensure otherwise) and have taken 3 doses of a laxative I still can't make it happen. My amazing husband goes to the pharmacy for all the last resort items. While he's gone I get the urge but assume it's going to be more gas.

Friends, it was not gas. I'm currently trying to birth a 7 day old turd from my poor, unsuspecting rear end and I just want it to be over. Wish me luck, and say some prayers for the toilet.

TL;DR I had a bowel resection, massive intestinal trauma and now I haven't pooped in 7 days

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more