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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by getting a mommy makeover

Like others this FU didn't technically happen today but I'm dealing with the hard and painful consequences. On mobile, not a throwaway because IDGAF anymore

The initial FU was not even mine but happened about 4 years ago. I was pregnant and had an unplanned C-section. Everything was hunky dory, or so as all thought. Fast forward 10 days later and I can't keep a single piece of food or drop of liquid down and I wake up screaming in pain from cramps stronger than contractions. My mother finally convinced me to go to urgent care. I promptly get an X ray and the tech asks me if I had a drain after the C-section. I tell him I'm pretty sure I didn't and immediately call my husband who has lots of surgical experience.

I relay the question to hubby who recognizes the "drain" immediately as a tab on a laparotomy sponge. They're specifically designed this way to show up on x-ray for this exact occasion. Rush to the ER, convince my mother to take her flight home that leaves in an hour because she won't be able to do anything here and off I go to surgery.

4 hours and 2 feet of my bowel later, I'm in recovery. You would think this would be the end but, sadly it was not. 4 days go by, I'm being discharged and I puke no less than 15 feet out of the hospital parking lot because they didn't get all of the infection. So far, I only have one scar from all of this because they've been able to use the same incision. This is no longer the case.

I'm cut open again, this time vertically from about 3 inches above my belly button to 3 inches below. They swear they've washed me out and warned me that this amount of trauma will likely lead to future issues.

Cue to 5 days ago. I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's and I'm due to have plastic surgery to fix all the prior FUs that are not even mine. Monday I get to my destination after 20 ish hours of no sleep and air travel with a toddler. I don't poop, but no big deal, it'll come tomorrow. No dice Tuesday, Wednesday is surgery day. I take some narcotics, but try not to take many because the pain is manageable.

This leads us to today. I have not pooped in 7 days and while I've been eating healthy (3 servings of bread over 7 days and only chicken breast, raw veggies and ensure otherwise) and have taken 3 doses of a laxative I still can't make it happen. My amazing husband goes to the pharmacy for all the last resort items. While he's gone I get the urge but assume it's going to be more gas.

Friends, it was not gas. I'm currently trying to birth a 7 day old turd from my poor, unsuspecting rear end and I just want it to be over. Wish me luck, and say some prayers for the toilet.

TL;DR I had a bowel resection, massive intestinal trauma and now I haven't pooped in 7 days

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