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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU telling my gf I screwed my friend

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My 23M girlfriend 23F of 3 years and I were invited by the friend group to go out last night, she declined stating she wanted to stay in and told me to go have fun. I told her I’d be home by 11pm. We stayed out partying, having a fire, and talking. However once I got home - far too drunk and tired but coherent. I allegedly told her how I screwed our mutual friend before promptly falling asleep. This is not how I remember this conversation.

This morning I woke up to my girlfriend + her stuff gone, and a “I don’t want to see or hear from you ever again” text message. When I reached out to mutual friends - everyone was mad at me for cheating on her. Queue my confusion. I didn’t cheat on her. I tried explaining myself but nobody would listen. I tried reaching out to her but my phone number was blocked. Also found out I’ve been removed from almost all the group chats we had. I finally sent a text to her brother saying “this is what I meant when I said I screwed -insert friends name-“ with a video of me finding a screw on the ground and absolutely drilling it into my mates arm. He called me confused and I explained everything to him. How I told her that night “my love, I have the best pun for you. look at this, I screwed our friend” while pulling up the video. Apparently I fell asleep before my friend had finished sending me the video. He said he’d talk to her for me and sure enough, a few hours later she called me apologising.

I told her that she turned all of our friends against me without hearing the “pun” and she said she thought I was drunk and joking about the pun. Which I was drunk but not joking about the pun. She told me she didn’t want to tell our friend group that she had mistook my words because it was “embarrassing.” She didn’t want to tell everyone that I wasn’t a cheater out of embarrassment.

I sent the same text with the video to all of our friends, including the ones at the party. I also sent further screenshots of her saying she didn’t want to admit I wasn’t a cheater. Most apologised, some said it was my fault. Maybe it is. My issue isn’t her being upset about the pun, it’s the fact that she wouldn’t admit I wasn’t a cheater.

So that’s how my entire relationship dissolved over a pun.

TLDR; told my gf I had a pun to show her, fell asleep before my mate sent the video and she left before I could show her the video of said pun. Accused me of cheating and pit our entire friend group against me.

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