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TIFU by logging into my friends Facebook and finding out the things her and my other friend were saying about me behind my back

Disclaimer: I'll start this off by saying that I never should've logged into her account in the first place & that the pain I'm feeling is on me for discovering the things they were saying. I am grateful for the clarity though.

Okay so I (24F) got married about a year ago. I had a group of 3 close friends and we all knew each other since high school. Let's call them Buttercup, Bubbles, and Blossom. Our friendship definitely had it's ups and downs especially because Buttercup and Blossom were super close to each other and both had gotten married to their high school sweethearts, which often left Bubbles and I feeling left out. When I finally got engaged I was excited because I felt like this could finally be a way for me to connect with Buttercup and Blossom more since we would all be in the same stage of life. I was surprised to find out in the months that followed my wedding that the friendship began to drift.

I'm not always the best with initiating things and thought that us not being that close anymore was something that was my fault. Because of this, I began to initiate hanging out with them and after everytime I did see them I felt like things went well. It upset me, however, that they would continue to not try to see me. It was also upsetting that whenever I tried to hangout one-on-one with one of them, they would always invite the other. Like if I tried to spend time with Blossom, then she would always ask if Buttercup could come and vice versa. In hindsight, I'm realizing I should've got the hint way earlier on.

Anyways, after a while I decided to message Blossom, the one who I've been friends with the longest and who was actually my MOH at my wedding. I simply asked if I did anything wrong and expressed that I was feeling distant from everyone. We've all been friends for about 10 years so for me I saw this as just a bump in the road in a friendship we had all known to be lifelong. Blossom admitted that we were distant but said that she would "never cut me out" and that our "friendship is too valuable" and promised to make plans to hangout soon. We hungout once and, again, it was all good. Then started the cycle again of me always being the one to initiate with them and never getting invited out if they were doing something. This confused me because I felt like there was no reason for this behaviour, they told me I didn't do anything wrong, we're all grown adults etc. I got frustrated and remembered that I knew Buttercup's facebook password. In particularly down moment, I logged on, went on Buttercup's chat with Blossom and searched my name in the chat to see all the times they had talked about me.

I found that after everytime we had hung out (the times I had initiated) they had made fun of me. Called me boring. Mocked the way I talked with them or the way I would try to see them. Talked about how they wished I wasn't there and had no fun with me. Said I've changed. And throughout this all they kept saying that I did nothing wrong but they just didn't want to see me. They seemed to blame a lot of this on my husband. It is within their right to not want to see me, I guess I'm just hurt that they never communicated with me? Never explained how they felt about me even when I directly asked?

I guess I'm just stuck at this point now where I have all this knowledge about how they truly feel about me and they don't know that I know. And there's no way for me to tell them or stand up for myself without looking like a terrible human being for logging onto Buttercup's Facebook account. But, like I said before, I don't regret the clarity it brought me. I was feeling gaslit beyond belief because this friendship of 10 years was falling apart for what felt like no reason to me.

I've since talked to other people in my life, one's I really trust, and they all agree that I haven't changed much since I got married or, if I have changed, they've been good changes. It's true. For the first time in my life I feel stable, I'm making good choices and not in and out of bad relationships and acting recklessly. Sure, I've become more like a homemaker now that I'm newly married, but they all went through that stage when they got married and I was patient through their transition.

Thanks for reading all this. I know this isn't an advice forum but what would you do?

TLDR; Logged into my friend's Facebook to find out why our friendship was falling apart. Found out they were saying rude things about me behind my back and that I was watering a dead garden.

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