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TIFU by thinking it was just period cramps.

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TIFU by starting a food pun war with my sister via text

Obligatory clarification, I fucked up Thursday night.

Four days ago, my sister responded to me with one simple little phrase,"lettuce pray" and my brain would not accept that there were no appropriate vegetable puns to be found in my mental Rolodex.

I think pinpointed exactly is where I fucked up. I told my sister that I would be back in 30 minutes, i was driving and I needed time to think of a vegetable response because I was just unarmed.

I got home and it took me a good 45 minutes to come up "peas be with us" But in my heart, I knew it wouldn't be sufficient.Something told me I was still woefully unprepared for the war I had set into motion.

I barely got my little "peas be with us" typed and she had managed to sprinkle

"Oh kale no" "Don't beet me up" And a couple more I forgot cuz I was ambushed

I told her she was just being malicious now. She knew I brought a knife to a gun fight. Told her to hold her fire, she was firing on an unarmed soldier here.

So that night, I think is where I first started putting a little too much thought into this whole food pun war.

I wanted to have a team of veggies at least 5 strong. So I looked at lists of veggies. Got me 5 or 6 I thought I could work with. Then I was like I'm gonna hit her with a fruit, that will 🤯 her.

But I got worried, I said she probably gonna have a grain in her back pocket. That led to me looking at a list of the whole MF food pyramid looking for ways to insert them into conversations casually.

So, I hit her the next morning with "How you bean?" "I could complain but you probably wouldn't carrot all"

Spoiler alert, she did have a grain pun. She used yeast. "At yeast you don't have long to wait.

So now we have evolved and she is integrating shit like asparagus into phrases like "I swear guess we just have to wait and see" and Iam impressed and a little intimidated, ngl.

So I have evolved to trying to string foods together to make a sentence, such as “Hasta leaves bean pasta thyme”

I’m just not sure olive to tell the end of this war

TL:DR I created a food pun war I didn’t think through

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