Skip to main content

TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

Post a Comment

TIFU by starting a food pun war with my sister via text

Obligatory clarification, I fucked up Thursday night.

Four days ago, my sister responded to me with one simple little phrase,"lettuce pray" and my brain would not accept that there were no appropriate vegetable puns to be found in my mental Rolodex.

I think pinpointed exactly is where I fucked up. I told my sister that I would be back in 30 minutes, i was driving and I needed time to think of a vegetable response because I was just unarmed.

I got home and it took me a good 45 minutes to come up "peas be with us" But in my heart, I knew it wouldn't be sufficient.Something told me I was still woefully unprepared for the war I had set into motion.

I barely got my little "peas be with us" typed and she had managed to sprinkle

"Oh kale no" "Don't beet me up" And a couple more I forgot cuz I was ambushed

I told her she was just being malicious now. She knew I brought a knife to a gun fight. Told her to hold her fire, she was firing on an unarmed soldier here.

So that night, I think is where I first started putting a little too much thought into this whole food pun war.

I wanted to have a team of veggies at least 5 strong. So I looked at lists of veggies. Got me 5 or 6 I thought I could work with. Then I was like I'm gonna hit her with a fruit, that will 🤯 her.

But I got worried, I said she probably gonna have a grain in her back pocket. That led to me looking at a list of the whole MF food pyramid looking for ways to insert them into conversations casually.

So, I hit her the next morning with "How you bean?" "I could complain but you probably wouldn't carrot all"

Spoiler alert, she did have a grain pun. She used yeast. "At yeast you don't have long to wait.

So now we have evolved and she is integrating shit like asparagus into phrases like "I swear guess we just have to wait and see" and Iam impressed and a little intimidated, ngl.

So I have evolved to trying to string foods together to make a sentence, such as “Hasta leaves bean pasta thyme”

I’m just not sure olive to tell the end of this war

TL:DR I created a food pun war I didn’t think through

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU almost so bad by not unlogging from this Reddit account

I use this Reddit account to mod r/hearhimfuck , watch my porn and answer NSFWAMA when I feel like it. I religiously log off completely after every time because I don't want my partner or anyone knowing about this account. It's the holidays and we are all busy so I had a quick session with myself and ran to get a shower and leave for another family Christmas dinner. My phone stayed in my purse the whole evening. By the end there's 6 of us left and we're sitting in the living room, having mellow conversation. Pets are discussed and photos shown. Someone asks about my dogs so I go fetch my phone and sit back on the couch. As soon as I unlock it, there's a full blown ANAL clip playing. Fortunately, the sound was off. I manage to turn the sound all the way down and shut the app without anyone seeing. TLDR; Iwas THIS close from having hardcore porn blasting surrounded by my parents, my partner, an aunt and a two cousins. I can't imagine the aftermath of what could...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by fucking my coworker

Happened a couple of days ago, but yeah, as the title says... Oops... We've worked together for about a year now; we've always been friendly, but I never really clocked her as a potential romantic option; she's my coworker, she had a boyfriend when we started working together, and to be honest I just thought she was completely out of my league: I'm a schlub and she is gorgeous So when she texts me asking if we want to hang out after work, I genuinely thought nothing untoward would happen; I thought we were just going to chill and watch cartoons; and for a while we were just having a nice platonic hangout. But we got very drunk, and eventually she was giving me the bedroom eyes and saying we should make out. I very emphatically said that was a bad idea, but she kissed me anyway, and at that point I really lost any semblance of self-restraint.. I am not proud of myself, at all. I can tell myself that she came onto me, but ultimately I also comepletly let it happen. No...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by shopping on Amazon

So I have an Amazon account, and a family. Anyhow, the person I'm seeing likes to do things with me... try new things if you know what I mean 😏 Recently I've ordered a few packages with adult toys, swing, etc. And... clone a willy. It came in yesterday while I was out. While I was out I got a notification that the cloning kit came in. I sent my son a text asking him to bring my Amazon package in. He said he had already. I didn't think much of it. Until last night when I went to go... use it. I asked my son where the package was on my way out the door. He asked "The plant stand or the cloning kit?". Mind you, the boxes DO NOT say what the contents are, nor were they opened. He must have realized what he said because my face is a goddam story book. I just stood there silent and shocked. He pointed towards the closet. This has been going on for ages, but he has NEVER indicated knowing what's in the packages. So now my teenage son knows his mom is a freak. ...
Post a Comment
Read more