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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by accidentally introducing my neighbours’ 7-year-old daughter to Cradle of Filth

First of all, for the younger users among us or anyone who may not be familiar with Cradle of Filth, they’re an extreme metal band who were popular in the 1990s among certain sects of the metal community.

Now, let me set the scene. This afternoon I was settling down in my flat here in Swindon, England after a long and exhausting morning spent helping my brother with some painting and decorating at his new house. I decided to put on one of my favourite albums of all time which happens to be by Cradle of Filth. Not feeling like wearing headphones, I decided to instead connect my phone to my bluetooth speaker. With bluetooth successfully connected, I went to Spotify and put on the album.

The opening track, a particularly brutal composition of dark, growling, scary, good old fashioned extreme metal, began to play. “Strange” I thought… I noticed the sound seemed to be particularly quiet and muffled in spite of my speaker being turned all the way up. So I ramped the volume on my phone all the way up to maximum, and finally the music was of reasonable volume. Still pretty muffled though, so I began to suspect my speaker was starting to wear out and in need of replacement.

I laid back on my sofa and cracked open a drink. I was knackered from my busy morning and in dire need of some rest.

About two minutes or so into the song, it suddenly cut out and I heard a loud wailing coming from my next door neighbours’ flat, followed by “MUMMY! DADDY!“ and some panicked cries. Worried, I put my ear to the wall to try to hear what was going on, and although I couldn’t make out every word, I heard the little girl telling her parents that some “scary noises“ suddenly started coming out of her speaker and that she couldn’t turn it off. My heart immediately sank as I realised what had happened. Turns out when connecting my phone to bluetooth I hadn’t selected my speaker at all, but somehow accidentally connected to the speaker belonging to my neighbours’ sweet, innocent seven-year-old daughter.

The crying and wailing continued for a good twenty minutes afterwards, as her parents desperately tried to console her. Eventually, by the sounds of it, they were successful in doing so.

Am I going to go next door to explain and apologise? Maybe someday. But that day certainly isn’t today. Today will be dedicated to digging myself a hole in which to hide in shame for the next ten years.

If anyone‘s curious as to what the offending song was, here it is: https://youtu.be/9nKuXPDtlLU Now just imagine this song suddenly and completely unexpectedly blasting out in a seven-year-old girl‘s bedroom at an almost deafening volume. Oh man, I’m never living this one down.

TL;DR: I accidentally connected to my neighbours‘ bluetooth speaker instead of my own, and scared the life out of their seven-year-old daughter with an extreme metal song.

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