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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by ignoring a mandatory boil order

A pipe burst last week in my neighborhood and drained the water tower. Everyone lost water pressure for a day, and we were notified of a mandatory boil order for a few days. I have a filter system, so I thought I was okay.

The next day, my birthday, I awaken to my one-year-old son puking on my face at 3am. Then I'm on a first date that night with a really cute girl I really like. We saw Puss in Boots with our kids and my son pukes all over me again. Then we get home and he pukes all over his bed. I figured it was this mysterious "24-hour stomach bug going around" his preschool teacher told me about.

It was E.coli, and I drank way more of the water than he did.

The next morning I wake up at 3am and barely make it to the bathroom. I begin completely puking my brains out when I realize I'm about to explode from the other end, too. I make a quick decision as to which would be less gross to clean up, and sit on the toilet. I then sit there and puke and then dry heave into my lap for the next several hours before lying in the shower and passing out. Three days go by and I've lost five pounds just in water weight. I'm so dehydrated I can barely stand or think straight and my head is pounding.

I'm here at work dizzy and wrecking the bathroom.

TL;DR: I drank contaminated water and have been shitting myself and puking everywhere for days. Obey boil orders, folks.

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