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TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

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tifu by ruining the relationship with my best friend with sex

so this has been going on for a month, and i have no one to talk to about this besides him. my best friend is a guy and we talk about everything together and every day i am excited to either talk with him or just hang out. if something funny happens at home or i find a meme online, hes the first person I tell about it. he had a girlfriend for about a year and i always thought they were really cute together. sometimes the three of us would hang out and i would joke that they're like my parents and im their adopted child.

recently he had been venting to me about their arguments, which started out like petty stuff like when he didnt text back right away while he was at work, or when he mixed up takeout orders. they were rly dumb arguments but they started happening more and more.

cut to like 2 months ago, she breaks up with him out of the blue, and he is a wreck. i dont drive yet but i was trying to cheer him up and sent him cat videos and memes just to at least be a distraction. one day he mentioned he was dropping off furniture to his aunt who actually lives like 2 blocks from me so i say hey come pick me up let's go out for food or something. i didnt mean like as a date or anything cuz we've hung out before plenty of times.

anyways the vibe was off the whole time and i told him it's ok to not feel like he has to entertain me. he picked me up from my home and we went to get pho and boba tea but the place was crowded so we were eating at his place. we were watching netflix while we ate and soon after his mom left to go to work so we were home alone.

when we were done eating, we had been watching for a bit and i noticed he just was like barely paying attention so i did something iv never done and super regret it, i moved closer to him and cuddled with him. idk why i did it and i really just wanted to make him feel better. so we sat there cuddling and i feel his hand moving down my back. the next part we started kissing and then it turned to stuff iv never done before, and that's definitely not how i ever imaged it would go and i regret it really.

he took me home and kissed me in the car when we got to my place. i kissed him back and went inside and after i was inside I just felt really weird about it. there it happened two more times, i will skip details cuz its not about that.

over this past month our conversations aren't as fun as they used to be but im afraid if say anything ill lose the closest friend I have. also im worried for him because i don't want to abandon him. i feel like i started this and i have no idea what to do next. anyways i just wanted to vent, thank u for coming to my ted talk .

TL:DR i cuddled with my best friend after his breakup which led to sex eventually, and now our friendship kind of sucks and im too dumb to talk to him about it

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