TIFU By Ruining a Good Friendship

I (23M) have a had a friend (22F) for a few months now. We went to high school together and were friends then. We weren't ever super close then, but we were friendly and hung out sometimes and did some school activities together. One of them was we were in the school play together. We never talked/saw each other after I graduated (she was the year below me).

A few months ago, I was looking through some high school stuff and saw her name in some stuff from the play. I thought it would be nice to see how she was doing. I messaged her on social media, and she said she had thought of me recently too and that we should meet up. After that, we started hanging out pretty frequently. She is an extremely good person. I enjoyed having her as a friend. I respect her a lot. Sometimes things got a little flirty between us, but I wasn't trying for anything like that. It would just be some jokes here and there, and it was not just one sided.

One day we watched a movie together at my place, and we started cuddling and getting really close physically. We didn't make out or kiss or anything though. After the movie ended, I got a call from another friend to go do something at his house. I asked if I could bring her along and if she wanted to. It was fine so I went into my room to grab my shoes. She wanted to see what my room looked like and when we walked in, pushed me onto my bed backwards and then straddled me for a moment. Nothing more happened at that moment.

We left and got to my other friend's house and hung out there for a while. After a bit, he wanted to go do something else. I was getting ready to leave with her when she again started straddling me on the chair. It was just us two in the living room of another house. She started kissing me and we participated in a lot of dirty talk. Things were very sexual. She let me touch her and she was extremely turned on. That ended soon, I wasn't trying for anything more.

She left and we continued sexting that night. She sent racy pictures and everything. She asked me to come over to her house during the sexting. I didn't go because I didn't have any condoms. We kept on talking for a little bit then a few days later I was more prepared she essentially booty called me. I lost my virginity that night to her. She also knew I was a virgin before this.

Afterwards, things stayed pretty flirty between us. We never hooked up again, but hints at it were made. She definitely wasn't against it, but she's extremely busy so it just never really happened again. One night we were just hanging out, and I asked if she would be okay if I could ask her out on an official date. She said she would be okay with that. So later we went on a date. It was super fun. we both get along great.

After the date, I just asked her what her intentions were and what she was looking for in general. I think it's important to be on the same page and make sure we're compatible. She said she wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time. I said okay, and we left it at that. I had started developing some feelings for her in this time.

I think this is where the FU is. I called her the next day and told her that I think I was beginning to get feelings. I didn't want anything from her, but I just knew that if we kept hanging out and going on dates that my feelings would only probably just keep growing. She said she also had another guy that she was seeing and that she would rather be with him, but she would think about things. That conversation ended with that.

I never really want to be someone's second choice and didn't like the situation that we were in. So, I sent a text saying that she should forget that I confessed any feelings we should just be friends instead and not go on any more dates or things like that. She responded saying okay. She also said she would be there for me. I explained that I had been in a situation where I was the second choice before, and it had hurt me. I just wanted to avoid that. She didn't respond to that text. After a day, I sent an apology for everything and explained that I hoped I hadn't ruined the friendship somehow and hoped we could really continue being just friends. She never responded to that text either.

It's been a few days since that text. I sent her some reels on instagram like we would do normally. She left them on seen. I think the friendship is over and now I'm sad because of it. I want to call her or something, but I feel like she would just avoid me. I don't know how she feels about any of it. I'd like to have a conversation and just keep going as friends. I don't want to lose this friendship. I don't know if there's anything I can do.

P.S. I also think it might be worth mentioning that I've literally been single since high school. I don't go on many dates and haven't been able to maintain a relationship longer than a few weeks. It's almost always been because the girls I go on dates with choose another guy instead of continuing with me. I have literally 0 experience navigating this kind of situation, so I didn't know what to do.

TL;DR I made a friend, and we ended up getting intimate after a while. We went on a date after that and a I told her I was beginning to get feelings. She said she had another guy, so I said to just be friends. She said okay and now won't respond to me.