Skip to main content

TIFU getting caught masturbating by my parents.

So. My parents caught me masturbating.

I’m a female minor so don’t be weird. My family is Catholic and I had recently discovered the power of oral-b electric toothbrushes. I also figured out a method to virtually avoid producing any noise that can be heard by the outside world. This means locking my door, locking my bathroom door, turning on the bathroom fan, padding the bottom of my closet door with clothes (my closet is in my bathroom) and pretending I’m taking a fat shit.

Well I was doing my thing with my laptop in there with me and I failed to hear my parents calling me since I had headphones on. No biggie right? I’ve got TWO whole locked doors. Well they must’ve thought I was dying in there or something cause my mom unlocks the bathroom door and walks in. I open the closet door about to yell the usual about me being in the bathroom, then she sees me. Luckily I at least had my underwear and a shirt on.

She does a little gasp and my dad is behind her. I was hoping they’d just walk off but nah they sat me down on my bed and we had like a 3 hour long conversation about it. First I had to convince them I wasn’t filming myself or anything, they told me it was evil and bad, I got forced to come out as bisexual, they tried to convince me to blindly believe in god, I had to bs stuff about believing, they told me they loved me blah blah blah. Overall not as bad as it COULD have been but yeah. We all cried. They probably think I’m gonna go to hell. My dad looked traumatized.

TL;DR: Got caught despite my impenetrable fortress of masturbation, they thought I was filming (I wasn’t and don’t), got catholic shamed, came out as bi, cried a lot.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU By Fumbling My Gym Crush

I've never posted on Reddit before so apologies if anything is off. I (F) had a crush on a man at my gym for months. We would make extended eye contact frequently, workout in proximity, the usual gym things that get over analyzed when you like someone. He's wildly handsome, but I liked his vibe. A lot. It's hard to explain when someone's energy just hits different but his did. One day he started coming in with a woman. The day I saw her with him, he and I actually stared at each other from across the room for a while, and I turned and walked away because obviously gym rules - that's his girlfriend until I'm told otherwise. The eye contact continues and so does the proximity but I've dialed back completely because in my head, he has a girl and I am no home wrecker. Well, recently, on a Sunday, I was having a real shit day. I accidentally hurt my shoulder so my back day was all off, my body wasn't cooperating, the gym was packed - all I wanted to do w...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting called racist for not handing cash to a customer

today I (F18) fucked up by worked a long ahh shift and got put on register. I never hand money in people’s hands as customers have yelled at me for it, and i think it’s germy so I scoot it towards them as a sign of respect. this lady came in and after i did that she goes “Imma need you to do that again and put it in my hand, you did this last time too don’t you know it’s disrespectful” (meanwhile i haven’t worked register in 2 months at said job and didn’t recognize her) so i apologize, and then cuz it’s call off time i go talk to my boss about it and they all agree with me. apparently though she told my keyholder who’s a poc i was being RACIST by not touching her. so i got told i need to do better even though i didn’t do anything. she was insinuating i was a racist. idk if i should quit or what but i fucked up. TL;DR: i’m a dumbass
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by sh*tting in the bushes at a high school

So I’m training for a local 10k race in a couple months. That’s about 6.2 miles. Not a long race but not a short one either. I’m making good progress and tinkering with what works for me on longer runs, how I can keep my body moving at an easy, consistent pace for about 70-80 minutes. I’ve been increasing the distance over the past few months, prioritizing getting the distance down before I work on pace. I train early mornings at a local high school track within walking distance of my house. They have public hours almost every morning from 6-8 am. It’s a very nice track with good lighting and ✨no public bathrooms✨. Because I’ve been focused on increasing distance I’m waking up earlier and earlier to get to the track and really hammer it out before I go home and shower for work. In turn, I’ve been drinking a little extra COFFEE most mornings get my body going. Til now this hasn’t been a problem, I don’t leave the house until my body takes care of business. I successfully dropped the ...
Post a Comment
Read more