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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by painting the walls of my inner walls with glitter (NSFW)

Today I fucked up by turning my insides into a psychedelic art exhibit with purple and white star/hexagon glitter.

This all started a couple of weeks ago, but I just bought my first dildo. I wanted to spice up my toy collection, this is KEY to how I set up my own accidental womb sorority party. A week AFTER buying the dildo, I was out at the store buying me and my roommates some groceries, and at the front counter, I noticed in the corner of my eye that this water stress ball, it was soft and was layered with these plastic bumps, without a second thought my horny ass bought it; to take it home and cut it open. I didn't even take the time to scrap off the glitter on the inside before I tied the new, bumpy homemade condom to the dildo. I thought I had my genius Einstein moment there, that I just made this sex-toy experience 100% better (plot twist. it didn't do anything and I just ruined a perfectly good stress ball for no reason)

But the fuck up happens later, you see I didn't even bother cleaning off the toy. My logic was that all the messy stuff was over my fucked up stress ball condom machine, so instead of cleaning my toy I just untied and threw away the remains of the stress ball! This happened in the dark, leaving me oblivious to the horror coated over my dildo. The next night, another night in the dark and I'm guessing this is when the Horror entered my body, I used it again. Only after using it, and going to the bathroom to wash the toy, did I notice the sparkles, there were very few and I assumed there were very few from the start so I just forgot about it. Until TODAY

I started my period, and to my shock and disgust, waking up to ruined bloody underwear was enough but, Everything, and I mean everything, was covered with glitter, it was all over the place. I've got a pretty heavy flow, and it was like I opened up one of those prank birthday cards, like "HOORAY YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD" and now I fear for my life, I feel like a human pinata, but instead of candy, I’m spewing out glitter every time I go to the bathroom. I'm surprised the stress ball massacre wasn't leaving my body any earlier. Microplastics or something, but these glitter pieces are tiny and it's not like I can just go in there and scoop it all out with a Q-tip. I'm pretty sure my insides are going to be the mini version of the aftermath of a pride parade for another couple of months, so yes, today I fucked up, or a few weeks ago I fucked up.

TL;DR: TIFU by setting off a glitter bomb in a vagina a few weeks ago and only now, on my period, are the remnants popping up like unwanted children.

Using a throwaway because I wouldn't want to disrupt my main page (mostly about my dog) with this horrifying post.

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