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TIFU by meeting Corporate with a sausage and a mess on my lap. I was sitting there with my buns on the floor

Today we had an unexpected visit from Corporate at my office. Technically, we are not allowed to have food at our desks, however this is seen more as informal. Everyone- boss included- doesn’t follow it. As long as we clean up after ourselves and are mindful of allergens, we are good. We just clean up when Corporate visits. Normally a planned visit.

So my boss is coming around quickly saying that they’re in the parking lot. I guess I missed the memo earlier this morning when I was in the bathroom?

Anyways I’m sitting at my desk with the most gorgeous Bratwurst sausage on a bun- extra sauerkraut. This was purchased from the local international market down the street. In a state of panic I think to myself: I’m not giving up my sausage at peak freshness and temperature!

At this point, I’m halfway through. I begin to shove the beacon of lunch down my gullet. They’re here now. Doing a tour, looks like my area will be last. I can do it.

No. In my stupidity to rush-eat, I choke on a piece of bun. Violently. I can breathe, it’s just a tickle that won’t stop. At this point my eyes are crying and face is red from all the coughing. I drop the wiener on my lap, Sauerkraut everywhere, wetting my light khaki pants. The soft baked buns explode and land on the floor in defeat.

My boss and Corporate come around the corner to see what’s going on and I’m there- still coughing- albeit much less. With evidence of my rebellion on, and in front of me. Sausage perfectly supported in the crevice of my thighs as I sat on my chair.

All I could manage to say in a quiet, hoarse voice was: “sorry” . Non emotional, painful tears stream down my face as my companion through this battle betrayed me. The buns deserved to be on the floor.

I swear I almost shit my pants. It couldn’t get any worse in my mind. My career flashed before my eyes and I imagined myself shitting to top it off. I think they saw the extreme horror on my face.

Luckily everyone burst out laughing, with a gentle reminder to not eat at our desks. I won’t live this down but it’s definitely a story in my books I’ll be re-telling simply due to my sheer silliness.

TL;DR: The Corporate team at my office decided to come for a surprise visit. My first interaction with them was with an exploded Brautwurst on a bun all over me, in the strict “no food at desk” environment.

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