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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU when my wife walked into my dog smelling my armpits

God this is so embarrassing. So I've always been curious by nature. Me and my dog (a cute little pit terrier) were lying on the bed together just chilling when she started smelling my stomach intensely. I'm thinking - she's a dog - she's probably smelling what I had to eat this morning. Then I remember reading that dogs actually prefer funky smells. Shit? Yeah, it's like roses to them.

So I got the ridiculous thought to test this out and see if she was enamored by my body odor. I was awake, but hadn't showered so I thought what the hell, I wonder how she takes to my armpits. I shoved a pit in her face and sure enough - she sniffed as though she was in a bed of flowers!

Of course, you know how this goes down by reading the post title. My wife walks in the bedroom the moment I was letting ol' Bella take a good whiff of the pits. Get it? "PITS" She's a pit terrier! Ahh...I crack myself up sometimes.

ANYway, she yells, "WHAT THE FUCK [INSERT MY NAME]??? I tried to explain, but the explanation was going nowhere. She just continued, "What else does she smell or - god forbid - LICK when I'm not in the room???"

She already calls Bella my mistress, now I fear that's taking on a more sinister tone.

TL;DR: My wife walked on my dog smelling my armpits and now she thinks that's not the only kinky shit with our dog going on behind closed doors.

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