Skip to main content

TIFU by faking an orgasm while losing my virginity and ending up in the Hospital

So this didn’t happen today but my repressed memories came back and I wanted to share this.

So I (at the time 18M) was in my first year at collage. I never had a girlfriend and was not the most experienced with dating so didn’t know how to react some things which is how it got so bad.

I was hanging with one of my friends and she was a great wingwoman at the time. Helped me boost some of my confidence as I was on the heavier side and didn’t try hard with the girls. We were all in a group and this one girl and I started talking we were big into gaming and when my friend over heard she mentioned my PC setup in my room and how awesome it was. The girl I was talking to gushed about it and since it was nearby asked to maybe see it. We were early in the night so there was a lot of time before hitting the bars. We went over and on the way she was holding my arm and rubbing up against me. I was picking up the vibes and could feel the private start standing at attention.

We got to the room and I showed her the setup after not even 2 minutes she started kissing me and we made our way to the bed. I was so excited my virgin ass was so excited and happy I remembered condoms. So we start and I won’t give too many details but it was fun and she clearly had a good time. After about 20 minutes she said “Fuck are you close yet?”. While I was having a good time I was not and instead of saying that I told her I “got off getting her off” and wanted to do more before I did. After another 10 minutes I was getting nervous we need to head back soon so I did the dumb thing and fake an organism. I just held it and made some noises but she bought it.

She was still clinging in my arm and telling me she enjoyed it, all I could think about thou was getting rid of the console so she couldn’t see it was empty. I was able to dispose of it and we left with me still rocking one and so pent up.

On the walk back I could feel pressure down there and it was getting more and more. By the time we got back to the party it turned into pain. I thought a drink or two might help but it did not. The girl was still with me and grinding sometimes which kept making it hard to not seemed I was in pain.After 40 minutes I decided to go to the bathroom and look down there. I notice one of my boys is swollen and I can’t touch it. I panicked and realized I needed to go to the hospital. I came out found my friend and told them the issue, she got worried we got an Uber. I told the girl I’m so sorry but couldn’t go out anymore as I’m going to the hospital. She offered to come but I said not my friend was coming with me as I didn’t want to tell her why.

In the car I told my friend everything and they couldn’t help but laughing thinking I was going to the ER for blue balls. We got there and checked in and they ran some tests. What started as blue balls turned into testicular torsion as well. I was lucky it was early so they were able to save the boy. After recovery they asked me some questions about my personal bedroom habits and when I told them it took 40+ min to finish by myself and some of my other answers I was also diagnosed with DES (Delayed Ejaculation Syndrome) meaning while I can get hard easy I can’t finish quick.

Never talked to that girl again but currently engaged and she loved the nice guy who always finishes last.

TL;DR Couldn’t finish my first time so faked it and went to the hospital finding way too much out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...