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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by messing with a “real life” Cartman.

My wife is a third grade teacher, and has been only for 2 years. This school year just ended for her, and she has been talking about quitting because of one specific kid in the class. I’ll refer to him as “Cartman”, because that’s literally what he is. I had obviously, not met the kid, but my wife would come home at least once a week and complain about him. I’ll admit, from my side, this kid was hilarious. My wife said all the kids hated him, but he genuinely couldn’t care less. He only wanted to entertain himself. He was “notorious” for tricking kids and even adults into doing things. For example, he had pulled “pranks” on every substitute he had. Once, he even convicted the class that the fire alarm had rang while my wife was in the restroom, even though no one heard it. After a panic from my wife, they were found almost immediately at the playground, with him on the swings.

Anyways. Last week, we had a “end of the year” party, that I was allowed to show up to and help with. I got to meet this little demon face to face. And he was funny. In fact, I couldn’t stop laughing at this kid the entire hour. I think it was because not only was he a total nuisance, he would just do a little “giggle” even if other kids were mad at him. He had ZERO people on his side, and he just didn’t care. Here’s where I fucked up. When handing out the sodas, I just said to him “maybe being nicer would make you more friends.” He stopped dead in his movement and just stared into me. Then ignored me, and continued on like nothing had happened.

The hour finished up pretty quickly, and right as I was leaving, “Cartman” came up to me and asked if I was happy about my new car. (Which I now know my wife had mentioned it a few times.) I said I loved it, and He just said “good.” And scattered off. I knew something was up, but couldn’t figure out what.

My wife had tasked me with bringing home the leftover pizza boxes. I placed the pizza in my passenger seat, and when I got home, noticed a large pool of grease on my seat. This little menace had hole punched several holes into all of the boxes. I was panicking at first, but I released i would have to just get it cleaned anyways.

Oh. And that little fucker shook up the leftover soda cans too.

TL;DR: Met a real life “Cartman” from South Park. He ruined my car seat because I suggested he be nice.

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