Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU By pulling my trash can into my open garage on our last day at our home this morning

I’m still absolutely mind-blown this actually happened to me today.

For some context, my husband and I are moving into our first home together in June. I just sold mine and closing is on Monday. Today was trash day and the last pickup I would have was this morning so my plan was to stop by the house and pick up the last few items and clean the house a bit on my way to work.

Out of pure muscle memory, I totally blanked out that it was the last trash day and pulled the trash bin into the garage and latched it in (we have a device that actually locks it to the wall because we have a golden and a Bernese who are shitheads and like knock it over and dig in the trash so this was the only way we could stop them haha). I had left the garage open because I had someone coming to pick up a bunch of furniture in the garage that afternoon and my husband was coming an hour or so after me to meet them.

Trash pickup in my neighborhood is basically run by one guy and a couple guys on his crew, and he’s a very cantankerous local good ole southern boy. He has a rebel flag and Trump flag on the back of his trash truck and looks like Farmer Fran from The Waterboy if that gives you an idea.

But, I’m a woman from California living in the south ,with two big dogs who are not particularly fond of him, so I get why he particularly didn’t like me and would always say some snarky quip or conveniently toss his lip of Copenhagen in front of my house haha.

Anyways, 10 mins down the road, I get a call from him cussing me up in a storm with in his thick drawl my southern born and raised husband couldn’t translate basically saying “go fuck yourself” for locking the trash can in your garage and yanked the whole mount off the wall.

Whatever, it was my fault and I totally forgot they were taking the can today but even though I don’t know what “a little fuckin’ hussy” actually is but I know it’s not nice haha.

Few hours later, my husband texts me “uhhh. What the fuck is on the couch in the garage???” and I respond “???”. So he FaceTimes me and there’s a MASSIVE turd on the couch right next to where the trash can was. Like, one singular log that looks like it came from a constipated bear so now way a random animal walked in there and there aren’t many neighborhood kids so I doubt it was them and if so, they need medical attention.

One of the things I took this morning was my cameras and the service was already disconnected. I know it was trash guy, but there’s no way I could ever prove he dropped that and I’m on a corner so none of my neighbors can see in the garage.

Honestly, I have no idea wtf to do, I told the people coming to buy it I needed to get it cleaned as I found a stain on it since it was basically brand new and it’s West Elm so they’re paying a fair amount and I can’t ethically justify selling a recently turd-induced couch to someone especially after it sat for a bit in the heat and humidity.

TLDR: locked my trash can in a holder in my garage when I was supposed to return it today. Cantankerous old local trash man was pissed he couldn’t get it off the wall so he broke the mount and took a massive dump on my couch I was selling in my garage.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more