Skip to main content

TIFU By pulling my trash can into my open garage on our last day at our home this morning

I’m still absolutely mind-blown this actually happened to me today.

For some context, my husband and I are moving into our first home together in June. I just sold mine and closing is on Monday. Today was trash day and the last pickup I would have was this morning so my plan was to stop by the house and pick up the last few items and clean the house a bit on my way to work.

Out of pure muscle memory, I totally blanked out that it was the last trash day and pulled the trash bin into the garage and latched it in (we have a device that actually locks it to the wall because we have a golden and a Bernese who are shitheads and like knock it over and dig in the trash so this was the only way we could stop them haha). I had left the garage open because I had someone coming to pick up a bunch of furniture in the garage that afternoon and my husband was coming an hour or so after me to meet them.

Trash pickup in my neighborhood is basically run by one guy and a couple guys on his crew, and he’s a very cantankerous local good ole southern boy. He has a rebel flag and Trump flag on the back of his trash truck and looks like Farmer Fran from The Waterboy if that gives you an idea.

But, I’m a woman from California living in the south ,with two big dogs who are not particularly fond of him, so I get why he particularly didn’t like me and would always say some snarky quip or conveniently toss his lip of Copenhagen in front of my house haha.

Anyways, 10 mins down the road, I get a call from him cussing me up in a storm with in his thick drawl my southern born and raised husband couldn’t translate basically saying “go fuck yourself” for locking the trash can in your garage and yanked the whole mount off the wall.

Whatever, it was my fault and I totally forgot they were taking the can today but even though I don’t know what “a little fuckin’ hussy” actually is but I know it’s not nice haha.

Few hours later, my husband texts me “uhhh. What the fuck is on the couch in the garage???” and I respond “???”. So he FaceTimes me and there’s a MASSIVE turd on the couch right next to where the trash can was. Like, one singular log that looks like it came from a constipated bear so now way a random animal walked in there and there aren’t many neighborhood kids so I doubt it was them and if so, they need medical attention.

One of the things I took this morning was my cameras and the service was already disconnected. I know it was trash guy, but there’s no way I could ever prove he dropped that and I’m on a corner so none of my neighbors can see in the garage.

Honestly, I have no idea wtf to do, I told the people coming to buy it I needed to get it cleaned as I found a stain on it since it was basically brand new and it’s West Elm so they’re paying a fair amount and I can’t ethically justify selling a recently turd-induced couch to someone especially after it sat for a bit in the heat and humidity.

TLDR: locked my trash can in a holder in my garage when I was supposed to return it today. Cantankerous old local trash man was pissed he couldn’t get it off the wall so he broke the mount and took a massive dump on my couch I was selling in my garage.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more