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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by bringing my dog to Ikea

Disclaimer: IKEA AUSTRIA IS PET FRIENDLY

SOURCE: https://www.ikea.com/at/en/customer-service/knowledge/articles/16eee429-c96f-4b37-869b-249b16f44820.html

A fuck up that actually did happen this morning. It all began when I realised two things: One, I needed some stuff from Ikea, and two it was gonna be a hot day. So since Ikea, unlike my house, has that sweet sweet AC, I figured I'm gonna bring my dog along. He's familiar with public places like malls and large stores and he's pretty cool with it aside from making Chewbacca-esque sounds at people now and then. For a malamute like him that's nothing out of the ordinary.

But this time was different. After a while he became very talkative and started to nudge me from behind every few minutes, something he usually does when he wants to take a break. I was almost done anyway, I noticed he was looking pretty uncomfortable, so we made our way towards the checkout. I knew he was trying to tell me something, and just before we reached the exit, he impressively demonstratet exactly what he'd been trying to tell me.

I looked on in horror as he squatted down and planted a massive turd right in front of the exit, the most relieved look on his face, as if basking in the glory of the foul gas emitting from his turd.

That was when it hit me. Like a toddler on a roadtrip he was saying, no, yelling, "Daaaad! I have to poop NOW!"

Once I regained my composure, the only words I could muster were, "Holy shit Askan what the HELL are you doing?"

He gave me a dirty look, then sat down and watched as I awkwardly cleaned up the aftermath of his little incident, his expression slowly changing from satisfaction to shame once he realised he too had fucked up.

I had never seen him so embarrassed, not even that one time he came to me for help after getting his face stuck in my hiking boot (that's how we found out his snout is roughly an EU size 43) or that time he, the majestic doofenwolf of Vienna forest walked head-on into a garbage dumpster while listening for some foxes in their den across the street.

The look on his face just said, "Sorry dad, but I told you!"

So I learned my lesson. I'm never bringing him to Ikea again without making sure he did his business before we go in. Sorry big boy.

TL;DR: I brought my dog to Ikea and he took a massive dump in front of the checkout. I'm never bringing him there again without making sure he has relieved himself beforehand.

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