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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by buying a box of Poppers (Bang Snaps) when I was 15

Obligatory "this happened when I was 15" post. I'm 34 now, so yeah, do the math.

SITUATION

When I was a kid, I bought a few of those little "bang snaps" boxes... you know, the ones that have little paper balls with gunpowder inside, inside a bag of sawdust. You throw em on the ground and they "SNAP" super loud. Fun kid's toy, pretty sure everyone had them at some point during their childhood. I used them for a while and then put the last 3 in my dresser's junk drawer and forgot about them.

At some point a few weeks (months?) later, I was at a friend's house and needed to be picked up to go home. I texted my Mom and she said she was on her way. When she got there, she texted me to come outside, which was weird... refused to come in. This was a close family friend's house, and she ALWAYS came inside to say hi or hang out for a little bit. So I left and got into the car...

Mom was PISSED. Absolutely ripshit, doing a combination of screaming and crying, saying words to me that were completely unintelligible, with spurts of "YOURE DONE" and "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO OUR FAMILY". When I FINALLY got the opportunity to say "MA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON" she pulled over, reached into her pocket, threw the snappers in my lap, and started BAWLING.

BACKGROUND

It might be stated that at the ripe age of 15, I just learned about smoking weed. My Mom was SUPER religious at the time (not as much anymore), so while I loved weed, she thought I was a stoner druggie who smoked the Devil's Lettuce. I never got into anything hard though... just smoking and drinking.

So apparently that day, Mom was cleaning my room while I was out and about. She got to the dresser, and found the snappers. She had no idea what they were, but opened them up and saw white dust and little rocks inside of these individual small paper baggies, twist closed at the top. She immediately thought... DRUGS. Holy SHIT, my son has DRUGS in the house. MY SON IS ON DRUGS.

She called my Uncle, described the thing, and he was like "Oh yeah. That sounds like it could be some hard drugs. Bring them to the police station and ask them." ...So she goes to the local police station and she asks her friend cop who took a look. "Yep, that's Heroin" he said. "You should put him into rehab ASAP." So she's freaking out, has no idea wtf to do, calls up a ton of rehab places and fucking books me in one. Then she got my text and picked me up.

SOLUTION

So Mom is bawling, saying she's sorry she failed me, I'm going to rehab, she doesn't want me to die, etc.... All while I'm calmly saying "Ma.... MAAAAA... Unlock the door..." "NO YOU'RE GOING TO RUN AWAY!!" "Ma, please unlock the door..." so she does. I get out, calmly walk around the front of the car to her driver's window, and threw them on the ground.

*SNAPCRACKPOP\*

She looked at me in total confusion, then down on the ground, and finally back to me. Then she started bawling harder.

That's when she told me the whole story above in the "Background" section. Absolute chaos... I was especially pissed at the cops who said it was fucking HEROIN.

We find this story hilarious now (and we constantly give her shit for it to this day), which is why I decided to write this up. Yeah that was a wild ride... all that emotion for some tiny little kid's toy. Stay safe out there kids.

TL;DR: Bought some Poppers/Bang Snaps as a teenager. Mom found them, thought they were drugs. Uncle thought they were drugs. Took them to the cops, who "confirmed" they were Heroin. She planned rehab for me until I had the change to throw them on the ground, and then they went *SNAP*.

EDIT: Offer is still on the table for someone to verify this story on a phone call with my Mom

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