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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by Accidentally Releasing Hundreds of Crickets in My Apartment Complex

So, this happened yesterday, and I’m still horrified.

For context, I’m really into alchemy. I’ve been experimenting with potions, trying to come up with something unique (and let’s face it, maybe even a little illegal). Anyway, I recently read that crickets could add a “special” essence to my latest brew. I thought, why not? I ordered 500 live crickets from some sketchy bug breeder online and figured I’d let them “marinate” in my magical mixture before harvesting their… uh, energies. Seemed foolproof, right?

Wrong.

The crickets arrived in a massive box. I had them in a plastic bin, which I thought was secure, and I got distracted working on a different elixir (don’t ask, it involves mushrooms). Long story short, I didn’t notice the lid wasn’t fully on. Next thing I know, crickets are swarming my apartment like they were on some sort of jailbreak mission.

At first, I tried to scoop them back into the bin, but they’re fast. Way faster than I imagined. Crickets were jumping off countertops, hiding under the fridge, crawling into the vents—complete chaos. To make it worse, some managed to slip out my front door and hop down the hallway of my building. I could already hear my neighbors down the hall yelling things like, “What the hell is that noise?!” and “Why are there bugs everywhere?!”

And let me tell you, if you’ve never had hundreds of crickets loose in your place, the chirping is constant. It’s like being trapped in a never-ending nature documentary. I tried using a vacuum to suck them up, but all it did was freak them out even more. They scattered into every possible crack and crevice.

At this point, the whole apartment complex is basically infested. People started posting in the building’s group chat about the cricket infestation. Someone even mentioned calling in pest control. The landlord sent out a warning email, and I’m over here sweating bullets, pretending I know nothing about it.

TL;DR: I tried to use 500 crickets in an alchemy experiment, they escaped, and now my entire apartment building is dealing with an infestation of non-stop chirping crickets. And it’s my fault.

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