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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU I help someone steal my bike and pass out in a public bathroom

It was an ordinary Tuesday night. I come home from work and decided to treat myself to 20mg of edibles. My wife and I have put the kids to bed early and we're enjoying dinner with some great conversations. I share how biking to work was so great when I realize that I did not bike home that day. I had caught a ride home from the gym and had forgotten about my bike (locked) at the bike rack outside my gym. The city I live in is notorious for bike thef. I've had two stolen in the past personally. It's only 8pm however so we feel there's a good chance the bike is still there.

Here's our first FU. We live only a 10 mins drive away but I was starting to feel the gummy. Driving seems like a bad idea. We found an item retrieval option on Uber and thought this was perfect! We quickly typed up the instructions describing the bike and LOCK COMBO. We hastily sent it out before we realize that we basically gave all the drivers nearby the code to my fancy road bike. We did have a driver accept but cancel after he read the note. He mentioned that no one would pick up because the package is not packed correctly. Of course.

Here's our second FU. I decided I better rush to the gym before anyone takes my bike. I call an uber for myself and got a Tesla Y accept the ride. Now I have severe motion sickness. Throw in 20mg of weed and the back seat of a Tesla Y driven by fast and furious, I knew I was fucked. I may as well have been in a small raft in the middle of the ocean with a thunderstorm. I make it to the gym without incidents. At the same time I feel that the gummy is peaking. My head is warm and spinny. I can barely stand up straight and I needed shelter quickly. There was no way I was getting back inside an uber. I did somehow manage to make it to my office before I threw up in the bathroom. I can't remember much of it but I think I threw up another 6-7 times and napped as much as I could on the bathroom floor inbetween. As soon as I'm done I would feel sick again. My wife was so worried the whole time. I couldn't even answer the phone. She eventually found a friend several hours later to come find me and got me home where I threw up a few more times.

Oh yeah, the bike was also gone but the lock was left on the bike rack. I see it almost as a message to how stupid I was.

Tl:dr

Took 20mg of gummies then realized I left my bike at the gym. Broadcasted to Uber drivers the combo to my lock. Rushed out and got severely sick. Bike was gone. Puked and slept at the bathroom at my office before a friend saved me.

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