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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU Marble in my ass

So this event took place around 2007, I was 11-12 years old. I had a fascination with all things butts, buttholes, and poop related things. One day I was sitting on toilet doing my business and I noticed some marbles my brother would play with in the bath. I thought wow those are perfectly round and smooth, I bet i could find another use for those... I picked up one of the small ones and touched it to my butthole, and then with little to no force, it was gone. I sat for a minute and thought about what I just did, and then I tried to retrieve it. I dug around a little bit and then dug some more, but nothing, I couldn't find it. I pushed and pushed I tried everything my newly pubescent brain could think of, and the panic sank in. Dread overcame my body as I realized I needed some.. professional help. I slowly walked into my father's room, tears in my eyes and said I needed to goto the hospital because I have a glass ball lodged somewhere in my rectum. My father was not a nice man to put it kindly, his rage exploded immediately and demanded i explain how and why this happened. I tried to say the marble was somehow perfectly balanced on the edge of the toilet seat when I sat down, he obviously didn't buy the story. I thought back the Jackass movie and toy car in Ryan Dunns butt, I had found my scapegoat, blame it on Jackass. And it worked like a charm!

Once we got the hospital I had to explain the story to a doctor, and then another, and another... after a round of x-rays the decided the best way to remove it would be naturally. They rolled me to my side and started the enima, but nothing happened, so they gave me another, and another... finally they gave what looked like a spaghetti strainer and told to sift my shit. I shit for what seemed like hours but no marble was found, they sent me home and told me I need to use something like a fork or potatoe masher to dig through my feces until I find the marble. I mashed my turds for about a month before giving up, it's been almost 20 years and I still wonder if that turd covered marble is still rolling around my belly or if it ended up in a sewer somewhere.

TLDR: I put a glass marble in my ass as a kid, blamed it on Jackass the movie, went to hospital and had to mash my turds with a potato masher for a month. The marble was never found and 20 years later may still be in my intestinal tract.

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