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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by ignoring the Veet instructions and tasering myself in the special zone

This happened earlier today and I’m still walking like I’ve been in a bare-knuckle fight with a cheese grater.

Decided to tidy up downstairs for the first time in a while. Thought I’d try Veet instead of shaving because razors and testicles are a risky combo I’m frankly tired of managing. Read the instructions… sort of. It said leave on for 5–10 minutes. I thought .. eh 12 won’t hurt. Better safe than stubbly.

No. Incorrect.

Around minute 11, it hit me like a spiritual awakening. A burning sensation right in the danger zone. I shot up from the toilet like someone tasered me in the goulags.

I legged it to the shower, blasted myself with cold water, and stood there in full shame, watching dreams of a smooth outcome literally go down the drain.

And of course, I had a Teams meeting 15 minutes later. So I sat through it clenched and twitchy, perched on the edge of my chair like I was guarding a secret. My manager actually messaged me during it to ask if I was having stomach issues….because apparently I kept making weird faces

I told her I had mild food poisoning…..I don’t think she bought it.

Now I’ve got a patchy, uneven mess going on, and sitting down feels like a trust exercise with God.

TL:DR: Thought I’d tidy up with Veet. Ignored the time limit. Got tasered in the taint. Had to pretend everything was fine on a Teams call while my soul left my body.

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