TIFU by letting my mom smoke with me

So this happened last weekend and I’m still catching flak for it. My mom is 68, uses a walker, and generally has the vibe of a retired librarian who used to be wild in the 70s but now just collects tea and watches British crime shows. She’s always been curious about weed since it’s legal now where we live, and I’ve joked about smoking with her before, but it was never serious.

Well… she was in a good mood, my dad was out running errands, and I had just rolled a joint. She looked at me, grinned, and said, “Maybe I’ll try a puff.”

My dumbass, thinking “what’s the worst that could happen?”, says “Hell yeah, Mom! Let’s go.”

Big mistake.

10 minutes in: she’s giggling at absolutely nothing and says she feels like her walker is “too loud.” I don’t even know what that means. I check—it’s not making any noise. She tells me it’s probably “echoing through the cosmos.” I laugh. She laughs. We’re vibing.

20 minutes in: it’s time to go back inside. This is where it starts to unravel.

We live in a one-story house, but there’s a small step up to the door or a ramp a few feet away. I remind her, “Use the ramp, don’t try the step.” She nods like she totally gets it… then turns directly toward the step and just stands there for a full 90 seconds like she’s trying to solve a physics problem.

Eventually she turns around and goes, “Where the hell is the ramp? Did someone move it?” No, Mom. It’s literally right there. I guide her to it like a baked shepherd and get her safely inside.

30 minutes in: she’s now experiencing the full-on munchies. I leave her alone in the kitchen for five minutes to grab her a blanket.

When I come back, the crime scene unfolds: she’s got three empty ice cream containers in front of her—two generic ones and the nice one my dad buys for himself and hides behind the frozen peas. That man rations his ice cream like it’s gold. She demolished it. All of it. She looks at me with innocent, wide eyes and says, “I only meant to take a bite to see if I liked it…”

I ask if she even realized it was Dad’s special stash.

She goes, “Oh. That explains the peas.”

One hour later: Dad comes home. I try to casually redirect him from the freezer. He, of course, goes straight to it and lets out this soul-deep “What the f—” and my mom immediately starts fake snoring on the couch like she’s been asleep for hours.

Now I’m the villain for “corrupting” my own mother and “letting her get stoned and steal a man’s joy.”

TL;DR: Got my elderly mom high, she got lost trying to find a ramp, annihilated my dad’s secret ice cream stash, and now I’m banned from smoking with her ever again.